and the previous title means~

Forgot to mention it.  Drempt (why is that not a word? it should be a word)....drempt of what to do for my final crafts exam last night.  A five word exam:  Tell Me What You Know.   (of course, in reference to what they have learned in class, I will make that clear ahead of time).  This is awesome because it is summative, doesn't require me using up my copies, differentiated for all learners and can be graded based on the students knowledge, comprehension of content and technical know-how.  I'm thinking points for vocabulary, touching on all topics and how they relate craft to life and developmental stages, technical information/diagrams. Gonna try it out!

5 word exam

Grace in progress: photography, ink, digital imaging

Last night- after not one but *two* naps during the day, I wasn't sleepy (surprise, surprise).  The manz had fallen fast asleep while I was watching a horror movie (case 39), he had tummy troubles all day- attempted to clean the porch but it was 2 billion degrees, he was pale as a sheet and I made him go back inside and sit down.  We are supposed to set up to sell today, but I am unmotivated (I should be motivated- selling = money *and* less stuff) but la la la....I'm still feeling lazy.  Anyhoo, last night after my movie I started playing around with photoshop, which I haven't done in ages.  The result (only at a stage 8 save) is above- a combination of a drawing from my sketchbook (I've been doing all these weird abstract figures lately- not usual at all, but relaxing), the picture of the car issue from Thursday, a cranberry Fenton vase from above, and a photo of a mask at auction.  

I really like the silky look and flow of this- and the toned down colors with the blast of pink.  Good contrast.  I am going to experiment more, and as soon as I get some printer ink, print it out on silk.  Then I'm thinking of working embroidery in silk thread and the smallest of glass/pearl beads- it has a waterfall/Geisha look that I want to bring out.  It felt really good to play with a different media- I've been working in my sketchbook like a madwoman, but it's all mainly watercolor and ink (and some crayon yesterday-) and collage.  Outside the sketchbook I've done a ton of bread-n-butter type painting for Springfest and the huge prom panels (which I love, btw, will put photos up after I take them- hopefully they survived)...but I'm in the mood for some diversity of art.

And now it is 6:39, and I suppose I will once again be responsible and wake up the husband, go sell things.  I forgot my paints at school, so will have to settle for something else...and I need new ideas (stories) for projects.  Projects that are doable (for some reason I've been dreaming of the abandoned mills at Johnstown- not sure if they even exist anymore, but I want to go photograph them, and Grandview, the Arch, other strange places up North).

Masks

Fire Mask, watercolor and ink

This is from my sketchbook, a few days ago, with minimal photoshop manipulation to make it darker/brighter.   I am really liking it- the colors, the movement and pattern.  It would make an interesting quilt/embroidery thing- I don't really work with traditional fibers anymore though outside of showing the kids how to do stuff.  Sometimes I worry that all of my art begins to look alike- which I know is my style- but I keep returning to the same themes, colors, images.  And black ink- always black ink- and LC got me hooked on the new crystal bic pens that are super dark.  They are lovely and smooth to draw with, the ink is very black, but they run out rather quick and you have to be careful because the ink takes a while to set and dry.  Usually that means it ends up all over the side of my hands, on my fingers and face...sometimes the drawing smears but I'm champ at working around that. 

So yesterday I took one of my weird naps (I am the *only* person who naps with the ac on, the fan on high and the electric blanket on high.  perfect mixture of cool and warm and I can sleep forever- I drempt of blue and white puppies, little pitbulls, so cute.  They were white with bluegray brindle spots...I miss Mother Time).  And I did rest- napped and drew and watched tv with the man and played the stupid facebook game that I am addicted to (Gardens of Time).  Thing about that game it is a hidden picture puzzle- which I've loved ever since Highlights magazine days- and you get to create a garden with plants, decorations and buildings from various points in time.  This is fun because it lets me be kinda creative, reviews art history (they don't always tell you *where* the objects are from) and satisfies my need to acquire things and make them aesthetically pleasing.  Other than that, I did virtual high school stuff for an hour or so, went to the grocery for a massive shopping for the month.....did the dishes. That's it.  Lazy day.

Today I am a bit unmotivated because I am slightly cranky still, but what to do? It is what it is-  so the best course is grace in action.  I always stall like this before tackling projects that I know I will enjoy, but that I dread at the same time.  And I have to work on the school/county web page, write my exams, write my ap summer stuff, set up the ap class online, register at ecu for fall, check the bank crap, deal with more financial aid forms (they never, ever end.  I think everyone who uses financial aid in college should get a bonus degree in form-filling-out), and I want to clean off the porch, clean the house - am tired of it looking like wtw.  Tomorrow we are planning to set up and sell, then go out to the farm for lunch. mmmmm.......hopefully there will be pickled beets or potato salad..... Anyway, I 'm not complaining about everything I have to do, but listing makes me feel better about it.  Grace in action- take a deep breath, plunge in and just start swimming.  Hope for the best and you never know- it just might happen.

Adventure, or I need a spa day. Bad.

Here I am, in the car, on the way home from Raleigh.  I need a spa day bad, or at least a makeover- not that I've ever had each, but they sound nice.  Instead, I had my version of an adventure.  I had to go to Raleigh to sign papers for teaching at NCVPS, and Melissa and Michelle where going to be there, and Barleyjuice was playing at Tirnanog...so...adventure.  And this is how it went:

All week: worked like a madwoman to have all of the prom props painted before I left- lots of late evenings @ school, plus a band concert.  Stressed about money, resolved that, stressed about car not working right- 

Thursday: supposed to be observed- made sure all bells and whistles were in place, students compliant.  Never showed up.  Painted the last bit of prom art- a 3' x 4' copy of 'Starry Night' in 20 minutes during study hall with my fingers.  *that* is some kind of record.  Car working ok- Manz had it fixed by Dad's mechanic Ray (new waterpump)- went to get me a new tire when I got home from school @ 2 and packed.  Began drive to Raleigh (apt. is for 4:30), Serpentine belt breaks halfway there- thankgod there was a service station right off the exit.  Missed the apt, but after several many hours, car was fixed.  In the meantime I sat in the lobby and did school work until the computer battery died....resumed trip to Raleigh.  

Thursday night:  @ hotel there is a Manga convention, which means hosts of teenagers dressed up in costumes based mainly on Japanese comics.  With a herd of random Darth Vaders tossed in.  And a few Furries. And assorted grown men trying very, very hard to pretend that they are *not* looking at teenage girls dressed in sailor-moon miniskirts with pink wigs and platform boots.  We went to Tirannog, where the show was awesome, Aviator brewery was having a beer tasting (with free glasses if you bought a pint of the 'good stuff')... ruben sandwich and a bit of overindulgence. Was awesome getting to sit and talk and hang out- I've missed 'Miss Ball' so much!  

Friday: woke up feeling like death (to old for late nights, even though I love our new free glasses- yes, plural). Went to sign papers, made it home.  Went to sleep while understanding manz teased me.....

Point is, I am still at that awkward age.  I am 47, mentally about 20.  In my mind I am young enough to crave adventures, want to look good,  know what all the current things are, and slack off.....and I'm sure this is influenced with hanging out with teenagers 80% of the time.  I'm also old enough to know I am smart, and I feel guilty when I slack off, and know the difference between fantasy (20) and reality (47).  However.... sometimes the mind and body don't seem to synchronize all that well and... bleah.

Lately I've been feeling particularly haggish.  My hair needs dyed, my eyebrows plucked, I've gained the weight back (stress eating...and when I asked the new doctor about my struggle to gain weight, she just shrugged and said: "it's hard, isn't it?" which was not helpful at all. or encouraging. or adviceful- seriously, for my copay I should at least get either encouragement or a scolding.... or at least a 'participant' sticker).  As usual, at the end of the year everything I own has paint on it somewhere, all of my shoes have holes in them and I'm feeling very, very haggish.  In a perfect world I would go get my hair professionally dyed (only have once ever in my life...in Texas, years ago), get my eyebrows waxed (and the legs!  I hate shaving and never learned how to do it properly), suddenly be bestowed with 3 pairs of shoes (new rainbows, any kind of TOMS, and black lowtop chucks), jeans that fit, long comfy summer dresses, long skirts and amazing new shirts that didn't have: buttons,collars, glitter, stupid designs and showed off the boobs while hiding the tummy.  And my art fat would disappear.  And the doggs would get better and grow their fur back (Max is really in rough shape- vet again on Thursday.  He eats and seems to feel ok, just fierce itching and fur loss- looks like one of the beasts people claim are el chupacabras)..... the manz needs new jeans and work boots.... 

the house is haggish to. needs cleaned, stuff tossed, the yarden mowed (I blame the dogg condition on some plant. like poison ivy or something).... sigh.  and I have work to do for the virtual school, and Trask.  What I want to do is go to the beach (take doggs swimming- think saltwater would be magic on them)  read a good book that I haven't read before, find a way to get positive and motivated about dieting...just kinda change everything.  and I know I'm whining- but sometimes that is what a blog is for since I don't keep a paper journal anymore.

And don't get me wrong- my life *is* very good, very busy, very happy-  I'm lucky, in love with my husband (who loves me right back), love my family, friends, job, kids @ school.... I just want to look/feel better doing it.

Virtual makeover in the soccer-mom mode.  Now I look like all the other teachers.  Actually, this was kinda fun-  

http://www.taaz.com/

Advice~

Mother sent me a version of this as a magazine clip- best advice ever.  I'm trying : )  but just to add to the continued chain of events, I've been out of prozac for several days- to busy to phone dr.- when Charles called this am, they said  "Your doctor is no longer with us. (Death? Rapture? ZA? or just Quit?) so you have to come in tomorrow am for a complete work up before we refill your meds.  And that is like a kabillion dollars because a) I'm fat, so my insurance is higher,  b) it's a different doctor so it will count as a 'new patient' (yes I phoned the insurance), c) it is still more reasonable than the expected bail will be if I snap.  Though want to bet I'd still have to finish the prom props through my cell bars....just stick my hand out and they will put a roller in it and I'd be good to go.

Real Men Drink Juice Packs

The manz @ Springfest

Yesterday was Springfest, and it was lovely- all sun, no rain, no zombies.  We began setting up at 7am- thankyou to the students that showed up that early in order to help- worked all day, broke down at 3, auction at 4 home by 11.   Morninglory did quite well, we sold a bed, a painting, and lots of small stuff- and the manz discovered a new passion for juice packs (left over from all county chorus, and warm, but free- and free makes everything better!).  Letty painted faces and made about $50 bucks towards her AP test.  The Trask kids sold a little bit of stuff- about 20 bucks worth- but every bit counts and more importantly they can see how incredibly hard artists have to work in order to prepare for a show that may or may not make any money....I remember living that way, way-back-when, and it sucks.  Almost made me hate art making...now somehow we still don't have any money, but I do have the nice steady paycheck that covers the basics, and the manz covers the rest.  Unfortunately, pay does not keep up with economy, and our pay has stayed the same or been reduced, while gas, milk and coffee are at $4.00 each.  I remember back when I first started teaching I could make 20 bucks in food last a week- counting pets, household and grendel-school-lunches, but now that just buys the basics for the week: 1 gallon milk, 3 gallons gas (which is a weeks worth of driving).  And that is for my car (not the milk- that is for coffee and the manz cookies)  Esmeralda gobbles gas- 20 took her to school, springfest, home.  That's it- she is big and lovely and sturdy but *not* economical.  

Money.  It's boring to talk about, stressful to think about and the bane of my existence.  We do not live beyond our means at all, yet we are constantly broke, which is discouraging- mainly because there are few people that work as hard as we do.  As I said, we make enough to cover the basics, but like so many there is always a choice: fix the car or go to the dentist (car.  car = work = money.  no one pays us for not having crap-all teeth).  buy groceries or go to the beach (groceries.  I love the beach and am wishing for it, but gas to beach = weeks worth of expenses).   blah, blah, blah- it's boring.  And stressful.  Because I was working to much I filled out my ECU financial aid papers for the wrong year (next summer, not this summer) and did not have enough financial aid to cover my classes- plus with the teaching position there being struck (at least for summer, hopefully I will have it in the fall) I could not afford to pay tuition for summer out-of-pocket....  and then I got good news/bad news:  good news is that the virtual high school hired me to teach photography this summer, bad news is that our pay there was cut by 1/3.  Beggars can't be choosers- so I'll take it- but the kicker is that we don't get payed until after the courses are over in August, and then by student completion count. What that translates to is that I work all summer but only get paid when it is over, and  only if Buffy doesn't space out and not finish the class....

Bright side.  Looking on the bright side for all of this though, is that I will have more breathing room than taking on all these classes at once, and that is already making me feel less stressed.  I've neglected the house, my self, poor max (who has horrible allergies to something and looks like a naked mole rat) and everything else- so maybe this way I'll have time to recenter and focus on these things which are important.  Probably will not do much traveling after all this summer- no money and at the moment, no energy- but will try to find a way to get to Mother's- that is of top importance. It would be nice to have other adventures, see Melissa's new house, go to the games, but for now- I'm going to keep expectations low and life simple.  Let's get through this week (prom) and see how we do~  if nothing else, we still have some left over juice packs to sustain us.

Springfest or Zombie Apocalypse?

Santa Murete, from my sketchbook

Saturday is going to be either Springfest or the rapture/zombie apocalypse (depending on who you talk to).  I'm not so very worried~ I have a to-do list longer than my arm for the next few days (everything from directing the band, to latin dance practice, to painting various things in hopes of selling them, to senior project night...and, yeah, classes have started at ECU as well so I'm keeping up with the discussion boards.  And due to various maladventures at the same time, we are totally broke.  Like 'no gas money' broke~ but the manz is working today and tomorrow, and will have money for change for springfest, where hopefully everyone will have a sudden wild craving for overpriced tiki owls) ...anyhoo, all part of the job and I know I will magically get everything done, it will all be sparkly and lovely, and then the end of the world will happen and I will be sitting, alone and unraptured, at my booth at springfest with tiki owls for all eternity.  That's ok.  What my plan is, barring the zombie apocalypse scene, is to happily help myself to an unlimited supply of funnel cakes and strawberry lemonade, then go live in one of the nice old houses (after finding a car-with-gas to see if Max and Bear are still around...but all dogs go to heaven, so it will just be me and the cat.  I'm assuming Charles will go, because I think the best of everyone, but it would suit me fine if he stuck around as well).   And I'd go to wal-mart to do the great public service of eating all of the icecream before it melts.

If there is a zombie apocalypse, I'll head to the city where the boy lives- way to many family graveyards in the country- and then onto someplace graveyard-free, like bird island.  I could so do that... wait out eternity on bird island. I'm not to worried about zombies though- I read the handbook long ago, and hey, I've taught a high school 7am class....they are slow moving and easy to fool.

Seriously, I'm not worried.... either way- ZA or rapture, my student loans would be null and void, which would be awesome.  And if nothing happens, well, I'll still have the tiki owls!

Claude Monet Was a Hipster

There is a girl in one of my classes that is a hipster.  For those not in the know, hipsters wear skinny jeans, TOM's shoes (they are politically and environmentally correct, and even have designs by Dan Eldon.  She has no idea of who Dan Eldon is, but still wears the shoes), cardigan sweatery-things.  They have ethnic jewelry, hobo bags, know obscure bands- tend to be smart, have good manners in a beatnik kind of way  (like they are being nice to you, not because manners are nice, but because it is nice to be nice to people less smart and sophisticated as they are).  This girl is friendly and popular, was a homecoming queen nominee with enough gusto to ride a tricycle in the parade instead of a car, sneaks out of school constantly on Chinese food runs, makes excellent collages and is smart~  if I were to turn back time, she is who I would want to be like. Except I know who Dan Eldon is.

However, hipster I am not, even tho I have the hips and an abundance of vintage sweaters.  In skinny jeans...well, lets not go there.  Skinny and Me are oxymorons.  For example, take Claude Monet above.  A French painter who is highly thought of, by others and himself, Claude is right on the hipster fashion front line. He has the skinny pants, the TOMs type shapelessly stylish shoes, the odd hat, the creamy sweater with a vintage jacket.  (which may not of been actually 'vintage' but just 'old'.  Did people 100 + years ago use the word 'vintage' for anything but wine?).   And the cane- so there is a bit of the urban pimpin style mixed in, which serves to make him edgy in an ironic way.  

So...anyhoo, prom this year is yet another resurrection of the 'Paris' theme.  Once again the prom committee is struggling to build an Eiffel tower out of  a cardboard kit- over 100 pieces held together with hot glue to make a tower 17 feet tall.  Which will probably be thrown away (again) because who can store a 17 foot tall Eiffel tower?  I'm not doing that....I'm making the backdrops- a painting of a cafe', the Parisian skyline at night and something Monet-ish for a photo backdrop.  (Just had a thought that I might have to use pastels because of lighting and glare on paint...ew....).  So of course, instead of actually planning these, I found a photo of Monet and instantly recognized him as the hipster archetype, and collected him up in my sketchbook.  And now I am sharing him with you- so when people ask 'why do people wear skinny jeans' you can blame it on self-centric French impressionists, and at least *sound* like a hipster.

Mid-May Nesting

Nesting

Out side the studio window- right beside my chair- a pair of cardinals built their nest. The manz noticed them first, and together we have watched them come and go caring for the eggs, then the hatchlings, now the young birds.  The babies have grown to the point where their eyes are open and they have feather-fuzz, happily demand constant feeding, scramble about to the point that I worry about them tumbling out of the nest.  But they seem safe and well, and we watch them from the window and prevent Turriello from being a window-stalker.  They don't seem to care about beardoggy at all as she frequently visits the bush they are nesting in (it is a favorite pooping-place)... maybe the bear-poo scares off all evil.

I am wanting to nest, but it is balanced with wanting to rest.  I think of all the cleaning that needs done, and how I want this and that fixed in a certain way- like hauling all the crap on the porch to the dump, taking up the carpet in boys old room, painting and redoing and playing in the yarden-jungle.  How I need to go through all the files on the computer and organize, delete, update.  Clean out the studio at school, scrub sinks, paint tables.  Throw away old clothes and broken shoes, shave 40 lbs off my body, scrub my mind clean of unnecessary worries.  (the manz says I worry to much about all the wrong things~ ).  I envy Melissa her new house, fresh start, cleaning and painting and arranging with a fresh slate.  Sometimes- sometimes, awful though it would be, I wish for a tornado to blow all of this away (except the manz and critters) so I could just start over.... but then I would miss some things.  We were talking about what we would save if a known disaster was headed our way (like the floods in Mississippi).  Besides us and the critters, my choice would be: the painting of Uncle Jack, the drawing by Granny, all of my sketchbooks, Lassie-dog, the copperplates, some of the family  photos (if I could find them.  Because I collect old photos/documents, I have them stored in trunks, and am not sure what is where).  Dad. The external hardrive for the computer (full of photos, papers I've written, all of our informations).  Evee (the little computer).  Everything else can go- be washed away.  Save the living, the art, the memories.  

All will be well, always

May Day!I

I have no idea what this is- please help? Spiny stems, purple flowers, grows randomly in yard, isn't like the other wisteria.

Happy May Day!  It's been months and months- mid February to March, March to April, April to the first of May.  I'm not sure what happened, other than I fell off the world and have now scrambled back on.  Seriously, it was a case of extreme over doing it- workwise- even for me, followed by the flu-from-hell that finished out the last two weeks in April.... flu so bad, so prolonged that I missed almost a week of school (should of missed the whole week- the day and half I was there was useless- the kids did what they wanted and I tried to stay awake)...flu so bad that *I* missed 2 deadlines on papers, taking late grades for the first time in my life. ever. So bad that last night was the first night the manz was able to share the bed with me for well over a week- he has been sleeping in his chair, on the couch so I could have all 7 pillows to keep from coughing.  So bad that all I've eaten for days is hot-n-sour soup, vanilla icecream, toast and icy drinks.  (and still gained weight. ugh.)..... whine, whine, whine.  But today I am up, not hacking so much, eating strawberries with my coffee and feeling a little bit alive.  And I'm not the only one who suffered through this- Manz has been sick as well, though not in the chest (thank god) just persistent sinus headache and fever- he has been living in the chair.  Boy was also sick before- we moved him into his apartment and he is (hopefully) well.... we have heard from him a few times, so I know he hasn't expired...

Updates on Everyone:

Charles, the manz- is fine, other than the flu.  Has cheerfully put up with me and all of my overworking angst, dutifully attended assorted Spring school events (band concerts, art shows), kept the family in toast and food (wonderful man cooks even when he feels bad) and has been busy, busy between building Mz Mayes Church, working on David Jordan's house, and auction antics.  When he caught the flu last week, he finally stopped and took a few days off- I'm insisting he stays home until better....

Boy- came home at the end of March, found an apartment, and we moved him all the way out this past Monday.  The apartment is a tiny studio with a private bathroom and shared kitchen, but it is in Wilmington and in walking distance of everything needed- so can continue avoiding the car for a bit.  He is job hunting and going to school online, searching for a futon and adjusting to life outside the nest quite nicely.

Ursula- is fat-n-happy, loving that it is 'outside' time again and that the guineas are back.

Maxx- lives under my desk, *still* has an itchy dog butt despite rounds of antibiotics, steroids, expensive shampoo and benedryl.  he needs a buttectomy.  (nope, it's not fleas.  Some sort of other allergy?)

Turrello- continues to rule the house with an iron paw.  He is a mighty hunter who has eliminated all the mice (yay!) a few lizards (boo!) but mostly dog-hair-dust-bunnies.

Me- has finished this semester at ECU (all A's, but it about killed me), finished the assistantship there (sadly, there is not even money for my bosses job in the budget... so maybe no tasty assistantship $ next semester...), am almost finished with student teaching for NCVPS (the virtual highschool works its teachers *lots* harder than ECU) , finished the virtual reality courses through LEARNC....and am in kissing distance of finishing the year out at Trask.  Work this summer?  A few days for DPI, and hopefully the financial aid will come through so I can go to summer school and get the administration certification.

Making art?  often and compulsively.  I am- just a few weeks, but still- in to the second sketchbook of the year.  I get really crazy if I can't draw/paint/fuss about daily.... it's my tonic.   Along with taking my 'bad' class out for walks daily, good for them, good for me.

The house is a wreck, inside and the yarden has grown into a huge jungle due to nice weather + sick people + rain.   It's really wild, abandoned looking, everything has been blooming constantly- first the dogwoods and Jessamine, then azaleas and wisteria.  Now it's the frothy white pivet, mock oranges and the roses that have gone wild- (and the strange purple plant in the picture, no clue what it is except it is pretty, fast growing, and full of thin spiky thorns).  Inside the house is a shambles as well, disorganized from the move out, stacks of papers and books left over from school, coughdrops sprouting like mushrooms.   Everything needs a good scrubbing, cleaning, airing out..... but not quite there today.  And I left the sweeper at the boy's apartment.

Morninglory- we haven't had roadshows except for a few- maybe two, combination of rain, my working and then the bug. That should be coming back around again as well.....  but now, today...

Today we are just going to rest.   Finish that book.   Watch a movie.  Eat strawberries.  Take a break.

Love you all!