Cyndi Lauper by Liz
Back to school today- with the kids. Haven't had them for a bit, and have had great illusions of getting tons of things done, and like always 'this semester will be different!' I will be organized, they will be engaged, we will make art that makes people go WOW, everyone will get along and I will stick to my diet!....um.....well, I'm trying...
Seriously, I don't know where the time goes. In my perspective, I don't have allot to do (after all I've taught these classes for 15 years), so it should be easy. I've been in grad school forever so that should be easy as well- and digital photography? One class is a snap (no pun intended). I berate myself for wasting time and not getting stuff done in a timely manner- my poor AP kids suffer the most and I don't even know where they are going to *sit* in the classroom (this semester they are randomly stuck in with my beginning level students, so, the logistics is I have 8 student work tables, plus the supply table. Each table sits 4 kids max. Each class has 30 beginners, and random AP ranging from 3-6 students....who require lots of space, and who deserve my time. SO....yeah. do the math.)
Don't get me wrong, I love my work- everything pretty much about it (except when I get fussed at). This morning- it's 5ish now- I 'slept in' till 4 after basketball duty till 9 last night....showered, and am daring to take a moment to myself to read the news, drink my coffee, write (because I deserve that time) BUT...guilt. Because I also have to: post my recorded live class from last night, daily announcement and answer emails from the virtual school, finish getting together my syllabus and first week powerpoints onto the new flash drive (and double checking them since some things have changed....why? because I never ever quit reinventing the wheel), check my ECU discussion boards, finish (well, no. truth: start) an assignment that is due today (it's *just* a mission statement. Which is like haiku written by lawyers- short, precise and legally binding), go see Dr. Mike after school in the city.....and my poor husband is totally neglected and hasn't really seen me since I fell asleep in my chair at 8pm Monday night. He never complains, but I feel guilty- he deserves some attention and companionship. Grendel does as well- and he keeps calling me and everything I am talking to him something happens and one of us has to go- I haven't seen Melissa in months and we have a huge presentation that needs worked on, plus I miss her, and there is not a travel time in sight.....and I do miss everyone. I know that I feel better connecting like this, and I am awful at phone calls, but sometimes I just miss sitting down with a cup-o-tea and talking. Or watching Rawhide with Mr. Owens.....
It's ok. I'm beating myself up and that was NOT the intention here- I know I work hard, work well, and love much. I know I am not as lazy and selfish as I think I am. I know that I am very slightly stressed out (sarcasm) about today, and I know that I feel incredibly guilty for not working on my AP kids stuff, not writing their critiques (which they seriously need), and I know I won't have much time for them today. But...I am feeling a bit better right now~ because I have let this out to the universe, I shared my freaking out with you, and now I'm ready to do something positive about it. Thank-you for listening, and I mean that.
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