My desk, again. With the beautiful lamp that I finally found a bulb for- and my precious things. I seem to be writing often about my desk lately, but it is one of my magic places where I make things happen.
Yesterday I was upset, and like always I stuff things inside until I just have a meltdown. And then I am able to step away from the situation and discover that nothing is as bad or impossible as I think it is, and nothing is as easy as I think it is, and everything in this world requires more than a little work, compromising and a whole lot of patience.
So we talked and talked and worked together in the yarden and talked some more....and things are feeling better. One of our big problems is time and how to spend it~ and our off/on switches. My biggest issue is that I don't have an 'off' switch- once I begin something it is difficult to stop until it is done, or switch to another task. I want to marathon-plow my way through all projects...yet, I procrastinate which causes anxiety, so I usually end up trying to do to much in one day (today will shape up into one of those days). It's like a tidal wave. When I finish I'm done, but I'm also exhausted and not good for anything but sleep.
We are going to work on sharing the responsibility for things more, communicating better (which begins with staying awake at the same time), working at working on it. Hopefully, just a bump in the road, because I do love him and I know that he loves me~ and I know that no matter how much I am used to putting all my energy into one thing until it is resolved that marriage doesn't work that way. It takes checks and balances and compromises. It's only year 2, and we have a long way to go, but with a bit of luck we will get there.
It's like the lamp on the desk, and the picture behind it. The lamp we have had forever- it was one of the first old stained glass/brass lamps that we ever bought. The harp of the lamp is low, and the bulb base is an odd size- made for old fashioned bulbs- and I have looked for *years* trying to find a bulb to fit. We even looked for a different harp, but that didn't come about either. It wasn't until yesterday during one of our multiple trips to the dump that we stopped at Marshburns. Marshburns is an old ACE hardware store that everyone hates to go to- not just because they are very expensive on everything, but they are not that friendly.... as soon as you walk in the door (and it doesn't matter *who* you are, what color, age, anything) a 'helper' is assigned to you that sticks to your side (not in a good way) every second. No browsing unless you want the helper to browse with you, which consists of a series of questions (what are you looking for? why do you need it? how about x? x= most expensive choice possible). Creepy, unfriendly, but after being escorted back into the light bulbs, where my 'helper' tried to solve the problem (in his credit, he was a nice yet dejected young guy without a clue about old lighting)...I found a dusty bulb packet at the very top of the display that I thought would work. About $5.00 later (one light bulb. 40watt) I got it home, tried it out and behold- let there be light! And that is a parable- you may have something precious, but unless you keep working on finding the missing part, it will not be complete. And finding the missing part may require trips to unpleasant places where you receive guidance, like it or no. But then the part is recovered, the cycle is complete and magic can happen. Illuminate, celebrate- and then realize that the illumination lights up other aspects of the puzzle, and now you begin to search for them. cycles.
As for the painting behind it, well, I was going to write about it but I think I will save that for another day. Love to all, all is well, we get to the places we need to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment