Under the surface, everything is different. Things change- and you have to let them, learn to love the change, accept them as they are, not as you thought they would be. This applies to just about everything, and life is so much easier if you just let go of insisting that reality meets expectations. You might be surprised at the results~ not that it is always an easy thing to do.
Yesterday, I learned this threefold. First, Mr. Owens: he had to have surgery to remove a skin cancer (basal) from his face... he is *not* a doctor person. This wasn't a light burn-off like the others- but a very large, serious place. Which meant he was anxious and up all night (eventually I gave up and joined him about 3am), and we went in at 8- he dozed in the car, but that was about it. We were at the doctors until about 1, he was a trooper (with a little help from more than one Valium - the 'numbing' shots were the worst part). Other than the pain and the surgery, we actually had fun~ even though he doesn't like going to the doctor, once he is there he is a good patient. (if he likes the doctor. otherwise, he leaves.) Anyway, he was teasing the nurses, the doctor, me- asking a zillion questions, very polite and patient even when in obvious pain. The nurses kept apologizing for hurting him, and he would say 'that's ok honey, no need to apologize, you are doing your job, and you are doing it well'. We watched lobby-tv, which was the TODAY show without sound as the radio was on- and just talked and talked and laughed about all sorts of things. I was there throughout the whole process, documenting, feeling both anxious that he was hurting and curious about the procedure. I'm not squeamish at all, and would of been good at medical illustration stuff~ They did remove a huge cancer- about 3" x 2" in surface, but fortunately not deep like originally feared. Then they sewed him up- which consisted of having to cut suture lines along the 'smile line' of the mouth and up towards the top of the cheek bone- he will have a dashing scar shaped like < . Many subdermal stitches, and about 30+ to close on the top. The beard was saved entirely! (The doctor was amazed at the beard- which was older than he was. We had a very young doctor, 3 years out of school, but very vey good). So what I learned from this was patience, endurance, kindness to those even when they are hurting you- that I married a kind, brave man who still gets scared. And that's ok.
Second thing, was during those early morning hours I convinced him to watch Tangled with me. He started to , then went off to soak in the tub- came back in a bit for the finish of it. Tangled is the newish Disney move about Rapunzel. I have always loved the story of Rapunzel- at least the first part- I always found the second part to be disturbing/confusing because it has been edited and redited that I am still searching for the original. The one that seems true, and not a pastiche of another tale. Tangled *barely* resembles the story. It has a tower, the hair, Mother Gothel (that looks like Cher with curly hair) and that is it... and at first, I resented it. Disney has a way with fairytales, restructuring them to suit the archetypes of America- in this case, the brave blonde princess (who is still a bit ditsy), the manipulative witch focused on age and beauty, the irresponsible young man that has a heart of gold... and they live happily ever after. Pretty much. The couple is rewarded with love and reinstatement to the castle (even though at the end she has cut her hair and transformed into a brunette), the witch is suitably punished - turning old, falling from the tower, hitting the ground and becoming dust. I was not happy with Disney's version- it was so very far from the original- but after watching it and reflecting and thinking- I can like it for what it is. I want to think some more about it, and about the original story, and how it translates across time, but I am willing to give it a chance. I need to learn that it is ok for stories to have happy endings.
Thirdly, it is me. I am a strange beast. I'm not so good at certain things, and I need 'think time' to process every day. I was up with the manz in the morning, and at the doctors all day, and then home again. I expected to install him on the couch, baby him a bit, let him sleep off the pain, get some work done and maybe have time to play a bit on the computer (I play with words and pictures, like I'm doing now~). No such luck. He gets so highly wound up, and was so physically stressed that he *could not sleep*. No matter that he had been up for over 24 hours (car naps don't count), had several valiums (around 2) to make it through the procedure, followed by his pain pill at home, ice pack, ice cream, nice cold drinks with straws... he could not wind down. He tried the couch, the bed with Evie playing movies, the recliner with Netflix, the bed again..... eating, not eating, drinking, not drinking, another half a pill, talking to friends on the phone retelling the story...nada. no dice. Awake (yes a bit stumbly and slurry- that due mainly to his face being extremely swollen and black and blue)...but not relaxing. I started getting grumpy, because I wanted to take care of him, wanted to get some work done, and yes- I wanted some play/relaxing time as well. He finally laid down in the bed, I switched to the big computer and got done mostly what I needed to (and which I should be doing right now, but I want to write)...and I bounced *way* off my diet with an icing rose, coconut m&m's, leftover ham with cheese- I eat when I am tired and frustrated and guilty and I was all three- tired from being up, frustrated that I had stuff to do, guilty because I was snappish and not as nurturing as I should of been....but he is a forgiving soul and I tried my best. I finally gave up at 7, he got up and I went to bed- and slept like a rock. I am much better this morning (even though I have "tight-brain" which means I am a bit stressy because I have things to do/think about that I am avoiding- money being one of the major ones)... but I have school today, managed to wash my hair this morning, and I feel better for writing this. Thank-you for listening~
No comments:
Post a Comment