Argh Maties!

This is my current summer look, except make the hair wild and curly. Yep, I'm sporting the pirate-look, complete with eye-patch for outdoor occasions. (I haven't actually acquired the patch yet, but I'm thinking it's a good idea...)

What happened was: the girly-problems that I've been having + the hormone treatment sent my immune system spiraling down. Then I didn't listen to the M's (Manz and Mother) and insisted on trying to work this summer, which added a heap of un-needed stress. Add in the fact that when I am doing nothing, I feel like a slacker and obsess about all the crapola that I need to do (clean rose room, work in the yarden, lessons for next year, clean kitchen blah blah blah...when no one is going to beat me if I don't get this all done, still the inner Martha Stewart is a B*).... so add this all up and I have gotten a whomping case of the shingles. All over my torso and- bonus, bonus- the left side of my face. The eye is swollen almost shut, the lips are swollen, the nose is crusty, the cheek rather alligator like. Lovely.

Of course this turned horrible on the weekend of the 4th- no urgent care was open on the 4th and I was to stingy to go to the emergency room ($150! outrageous.... and consider that I just paid that last week for Grendel, plus my girly doctor visits, plus the $75 urgent care.... as far as meds go, we both cost $50 bucks each, with insurance and the Walmart discount. And people say we don't need a government health plan? For someone like me, in the last 2 weeks between Grendel and I we cost $415.00 He has a follow up appointment this month, so do I, plus my surgery on August 3rd...... this is not money that is just laying about. And I'm middle class, work full time plus with a husband that works full time plus and this still wipes us out. This is *just* my co-pay, not the actual cost, and doesn't include a visit to the eye doctor which will have to happen if the eye doesn't improve by tomorrow..... seriously, what would people without dual incomes do? and Grendel paid for his meds... If this happened during the school year I would be out of work for at least a week- my job covers that, but if I was working a regular job (like at walmart or a factory farm) do you think they would not replace me? One series of health problems can wipe a family out.... ok, I'll get off my soapbox now)

On the other side, they prescribed me a zillion medicines (including Vicodan- I'm feeling rather 'House' today) I slept through yesterday and probably will do so today again.... that and do the one-eyed reading thing. (which I know is probably not good, but I have to do *something* and it's less strain than watching tv) My inner martha-beast is saying 'this is a good time to do inside house work' but I am going to take it easy. That's what my body is saying: stop!!!!! loud and clear. Stop, no stress, everyone be the get-a-long-gang and let me enjoy my nice fluffy House-like cloud.

Speaking of which- and maybe one of the medical side of the family could answer this (Aaron, Sam, Frannie) why are pills so HUGE? seriously, my one pill measures an inch long and 1/4 wide. While I can do this, it makes no sense that the medicine Grendel was prescribed to take every am for his throat is the same size. The boy can't swallow....this makes no sense. Make them smaller and just have us take multiples....

oooOooo I'm wanting to change the world today with my feisty ideas, aren't I? The other good thing about all this medicine is that I don't want to eat- for the first time in ever. The other day I came to the realization that I am a full-fledged food addict (I fit every single requirement) and that I was eating to relieve stress (duh) but that I had no control over it at all- it sneaks into my dreams and I wake up hungry- not just appetite hungry but hurting/growling thirdworld hungry. (ok, that was not politically correct, but seriously- physically hungry, not just mentally).... so maybe this shingles episode will be the 'off' switch and I can get things back in control.

On to addressing stress while I'm in the mood to write- Charles keeps asking me what I am stressed about- since shingles is a stress-triggered action, as well as the food thing. It is not so much that I'm under stress now- it's the reaction to stress building up. Kinda like a tsunami- it starts far away then builds up and hits. Simply I did to much last year- and I did it well- but it has caught up to me in spades. Plus all the little stresses- I'm a pleaser/resolver and I work hard at making everyone happy- at home, at school, family wise-friend wise, even selling furniture, I feel guilty for not lowering the price (which is why the manz does the pricing selling and I just look decorative painting)....anyway, I worry about the comfort of others. I dream constantly about school (and food) and -take this to the shrink- making Daddy proud of me. (I know he would be, but in my dreams I'm always screwing something up.... last night I had this crockpot recipe that I was supposed to fix for dinner- it had strawberries of all things on top- I burnt them to a crisp. Daddy was all like "how can you burn something black in a crock pot"- not yelling, just being Daddy).

Anyway, all of that plus my habit of putting things off until the last minute (even easy things, like washing my hair) apparently turned me into a time bomb that exploded into my new pirate look.

Dashing.

The manz is understanding though, and is taking good care of me. He actually realizes that when I'm sick- other than checking on me and petting my head (the only part that isn't crusty and gross at the moment) I do well left alone.... I'm not one of those people who want company when I'm sick, or visitors- that just stresses me out about the cleaning thing again. I just want my bed-cave and a book to escape into, my sketchbook, guilt-free napping and the occasional cuddle. He is wise about this- wise about allot of things.

That wisdom is helping us evolve as a family. I know that I have been a good mother, and turned out a great kid, but the boy didn't get everything from me... it was easier for me to let somethings go (like driving) than to force it to happen. I suppose I'm rather selfish in my views- I'm responsible for myself, but I hate telling anyone else what to do (that goes back to being a pleaser/peacemaker)... it makes me angry to have to do that, so I don't. Instead I let things go- if it bothers me I just do it myself. The plus of this behavior is that I keep an even keel, the negative is that because I do stuff, other people aren't aware that it needs done by them.... Charles is opposite, very organized, very linear and clear with responsibility- he is good at setting boundaries and making sure they are adhered to. Grendel is learning how to cope with that- it's not always easy, but it's an aspect of his upbringing that he lacked- my pastures had no fences. Together we are balancing out, hopefully for the best of all.

You know, despite all of this crusty mess- I have a really nice life that I am deeply thankful for. I'm not sure how I ended up with it, but I love it- I love my husband, my kid, my job, my doggs, the cat- even our tumbledown cottage. I'm a very lucky pirate!