Down in the deep woods

Woodcut- I don't know the artist, but I love it!

I want to take a nap, I want to write, I need to go to Walmart, grade online kids, do laundry and chores and grad school work and- importantly- get the presentation done for the conference. (Despite the best of intentions, Melissa and I tend to wait to the last second...but that's ok.) But- my eyes are heavy, I am thick minded, I forget to drink my coffee and all I can think about is my nice warm bed.  I have been up for not quite two hours, after sleeping for 12.  This, my friends, is what my doctors think might be Narcolepsy.  It's horrid- sleepwalking through life like a drunken zombie most of the time, interspersed with mind-racing- less than half an hour ago I was full of ideas, energy, plans- felt like I could do it all and then some.  Now? not so much.

I finally switched doctors, to one recommended by Dr. Mike- and she is amazingly on-task.  Within a week of seeing her, she magically got my insurance to approve a CT scan, comprehensive labs and a sleep study- all of which were noodled around before with excuses of 'oh, your just: stressed, tired, depressed, fat, hormonal etc'.   Which is good in a way, because we eliminated those things fair much- stressed? of  course I am, but that is a given of having a career.  Tired? It is *not* a problem of not getting time to sleep.... Depressed?  No.  Fat? Yes, and for the moment I don't have the energy to go back to working on it- but it is not hugemongous and the weight has been constant (more or less) for years.  Hormonal?  Nope. Ruled that out.  Tried exercise, light exposure, cutting out caffeine, adding more caffeine, taking vitamins, eating high protein low carbs, high carbs low protein, no sugar, extra sugar....bla bla bla.  I can sleep instantly, anywhere.  I dream instantly and in full color/sound/taste (last night it was homemade cinnamon clove marshmallows which were amazing and should be invented post haste)/ texture...everything. And I always remember them well enough to write them down or recount them in detail.  I can sleep for a very, very long time if left undisturbed.  If I am denied sleep, I get really irritable very quickly, can't think or function- it is like walking through mud and everything takes so very long to do.... I force myself through school, am constantly drawing/writing/moving all the time to stay awake.  The second I *stop* doing something, I go down.  (Something also includes eating... I don't eat so much out of hunger or even appetite, but just to stay awake).   Hopefully- with the tests and the new doctor- and I know nothing will happen soon, for while I have had the CT scan and the lab work, the sleep study isn't until Nov 12, and some of the labs won't be back for 6 weeks.  I see the Dr. again in December, and hopefully there will be some sort of solution suggested- in the meanwhile, I will work/sleep/work/sleep etc. and make the best of it.

Other than that (and sorry I was whining about that- I hate being the broken record of 'I'm tired'....) everything is going well.  Grendel is hopefully headed for a new larger apartment with a roommate in a better complex- it is just a matter of slogging through the application process, getting approved then relocating.  He has worked at the book store for over a year now, lived in his own apartment for even longer, and will someday- hopefully- finish school. He works hard at it- at everything and I am proud of him.  

My famous Mr. Owens had his TV debut on Revolution- while in the background, he is seen- and hopefully will be used again in the show.  He spent two weeks in Atlanta filming for Idiom, and was fantastic- This week we got a call from New York about doing a demo/application tape for a show like Oddities- they were looking for hosts for a show about people traveling around and buying/selling strange stuff and visiting strange places.  Somehow they got his contact information, and we made the tape- fingers crossed.  This weekend he is off to Charlotte on Sunday to be in "It's Supernatural", which is a reenactment series done by the Inspiration Network  (which used to be the old PTL network).  He is sure to get 'facetime' in this one- and maybe even that elusive line! We keep submitting for everything that comes along- hopefully he will be selected for lots and lots of other projects!  He has definitely discovered his calling- or at least one of them.

So- today- today I am like the fox in the woods.  I have lots to do, but also need to be clever, work smarter not harder, get things done when I am awake and sleep when I can't stand it anymore.  There is a storm supposedly coming in, and I want to get to the store for things- then the nap, and the work.  Keep it calm and carry on- I remember when Mother sent me those words long before they became a popular fad- now you see them everywhere, but they are still true.  And still good advice.

If You Have to Vote for Somebody~

Vote for Kemo (me!).   This has got to be the most inventive homecoming give away ever.  Now, we have seen the candy, the glow sticks, t-shirts, hats, signs, necklaces including beads, plastic leis and even macaroni (which was the previous thrifty homecoming winner) but this is new.  Kemo, who I don't know well, is one of the football players who is running for king.  He came to the art room yesterday (accompanied by a few lady helpers! and his *own* supplies!) and politely asked if he could use some space to 'make stuff'.  They set up an assembly line, puffy paint, glitter...all of the expected.  They went to work amazingly fast, turned out batches of hand-decorated t-shirts, bubble wands, pencils and.... my favorite.... wash cloths.  He had bought the huge packs of white cloths at Walmart, and decorated them- one for every football player (complete with number, which is no easy thing in puffy paint), one for himself (above) and one for me ("Boo Thang" love Kemo)  which is proudly displayed on my board at school.  Now, all of this took 90 minutes- and just 3 of them working- while my class (group project with theater) scampered in an out.  These three focused, completed everything they brought- without my help- *and* cleaned up.  *and* said Thank-you.  I know who has my vote!  (Sorry to Pedro, Ethan, and the other guy...... but Kemo was amazing and polite).
And I'm a boo thang.

Now, let's think about this for a moment.  In the current world of politics, we have debates, nasty ads, endless trivial nonsense and I just don't discuss it.  Politics tends to be....well.... either aggravating, boring, or just .... ugh.  I'd rather have a coffee.  I *do* pay attention and have my thoughts, but I keep them to myself and would rather not argue about things.  Call it avoidance, or manners, or just- I'd rather have coffee.  But imagine a world where politicians were like homecoming candidates.   Yes, my vote would go for the guy (or gal) who is like Kemo- organized, efficient, works hard to create their own stuff, not afraid to try something new, cleans up after themselves and says thank-you.  And who is wise enough to know how to charm with a well placed compliment. In short, as the kids say, 'Boss'.

Anyway- that was a good end to yesterday- that and the band drops were successfully painted. I ended up crabby during one class because I was focused focused teaching, and most of the class was with me, and then they broke down.  I know they are kids and they get tired, and it just takes one rowdy person (who seems to dine on giant pixie sticks for lunch every day) to derail a class.  Especially when the teacher is a little tired, has lots to do, and is trying to explain something complicated.  I realised that I was going to fast and tried to slow down-- and I ended up blowing up regardless.  Not good.  Earlier the class had been so into it that some of them were singing along to 'American Pie' when I played part of the song (we were talking about symbols).... then....bleah.  And other things- namely a collusion of stuff that I was counting on others to do their part to and they just happily blew off their responsibility....which left me doing it, and no, I couldn't just let it go- because it has to be done and today I am going off to Raleigh for the weekend.  Consulting with the museum on a new course (fingers crossed they will hire me as a writer.  I would love to take a semester off online teaching and write instead- ) and working with Melissa on our conference presentations.  So it is a working weekend but a fun one, with grown-ups only.  A workcation.

Mr. Owens came home in the small hours of the night last night- Atlanta went great and he is back on for all next week- apparently will be 'featured featured'.  Fingers crossed for a speaking (or singing!) bit.... in the meantime, he has charmed everyone on set, is known for his amazing beard (and hair) and is shining like the star he is~ so very proud of him!  He needs a well deserved weekend off though to relax and do Mr. Owens stuff..... I miss him so when he is gone, and now I'm gone- we both have fun when we work, and all relationships are sweeter for a bit apart, but still- I miss my Owens.

And now I have to wrap work things up before getting ready to go-  I never dreamed long ago that work would be so constant.  Not hard, just never ending..... 9 to 5 is an illusion my friends, an illusion.