Last of the Longest Month

Charles's cannon balls

This has been the longest month, and many people agree with me that it was a hard month.  Weather, delay, transition, school drama, breakdowns and repairs, colds, snow-snow-snow, school-on-Saturday, blackboard gremlins, itchy dogg butts, no money, stranded boys, and all of the other challenges that the first month brought.  But it is overish now, and the sun is coming out.  We are in for a warm week ahead, the bills are paid, the dogg butt is less itchy (thank god), I love the manz, all of our family and friends are safe and well, school is underway and interesting, and life is good.  New month, fresh start.

Last week Charles and Dad were cleaning out the old Woodcock home in Atkinson- Charles's great grandparents house.  It belongs to relatives...can't remember the fellows name but the lady's name is 'Ratsy' (?).  They don't live nearby, and had it rented out.  The renters ran out on them, left a bunch of stuff behind (including a full freezer/fridge....and no power.  ick)  So anyway, the fellows were cleaning out the house and barns, hauling stuff to the dump, scrapping the scrap and bringing what is sellable home.  Back in one of the sheds the manz found the cannonballs.  No telling how long they have been there- but there is an iron one and two stone ones, and 3 solid metal shots (smaller balls).  This area has been the site of both  Revolutionary and Civil wars.  They could be either, but I'm betting on Civil.  We need to do some more research on them, but cool, cool, cool eh?  The manz also brought home treats for me: scissors and clippers, marbles, an old-school potato masher, salts, an old old icecream scoop, TWO horseshoes- treasures!  I love this type of thing more than any other gift- and I love him for knowing that.

Sometimes~

By Lily Lane

This is the artwork of one of my former students, now all grown up.  She linked her blog to facebook this morning, and I spent the better part of my coffee-time exploring her artwork.  It is amazing.  She paints, draws, does comics, fibers...beautiful stuff. One of those students who has grown into just an amazing (that word again- but it is so appropriate) woman.  One of the lucky few to find talent, beauty, passion and true love all waiting for them- and I am so incredibly happy for her. And envious.  (I wish I could time-travel back for a do-over of my twenties! except I would still want a grendel, and mr. manz)....

Speaking of which, this is what I hope for Grendel to find.   Passion in work.  Love.  Happy talent.  A place to be.  It's hard watching the kids grow up.  I am still in mother bear mode- I've been reading about 'Tiger Mothers' and I am definitely not a tiger mother, I am a mother bear just like my sisters and my mother.  We encourage and protect, sometimes get snarly and make the boybears leave the cave...but we support. Love. Forgive. Remain. Worry. Believe.  Tiger mothers push and push and drive their young up and away... they fly high without a safety net, just good claws to scramble up walls with.  Bear boys find their way to- but it takes some stumbling around and a season of hibernation.  They seem to wake up slower, take their time to find their focus, always have the risk of lazy.  I'm not a boy, but I was a bearcub...it took me 30 years to get my act together and learn to be responsible, to find my focus.  I'm still working on it (today I'm fighting the lazy- but I have a project due and allowed myself to be lazy yesterday, so I better get a move on).

Breathe, trust.  The kids are alright.

Buddha in a Box

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

This alchemy of the soul is a two edged sword, and one that I am struggling with.  What we think we become.  On the positive side, I have thought myself into being smart, somewhat responsible, creative, generous, tolerant.  On the negative side, I have thought myself into being unattractive, unfit, somewhat irresponsible, and stressed.  If I negate one- let's say I cancel out the negative thoughts because someone would say "there, there, you know that is not true..." then does that not also cancel out the positive ones?  Do they need to be balanced or not?  If I think my way out of the negative ones- change my perception of truth by changing my mental image, does another negative emerge in order to achieve balance?  (otherwise, could I just think myself into being perfect?  But no one is perfect, so some sort of balance must be obtained).

And then each of these are binary within themselves.  For example, the unattractive thing.  I know I'm not totally a troll, but I know I'm not a desperate housewife- problem is, I think I should be one, and I want to be one, but putting all the time and effort into that (the desired positive result) seems like vanity.  A waste of time (my time is at a premium, always) and money (I have to talk myself into a box of hair dye once every 2 months.  No way am I going to drop a fortune on a salon treatment- I don't view our lifestyle as privileged enough for such things).  Yet, is this laziness?  Is it just that I am to much of a slacker to discipline myself to exercise and eat right?  Or is it the truth of my valuing myself- that I am 'waiting' to be beautiful (after reaching a goal, like 'after I drop x pounds, after I can dye my hair, after what?') instead of maximizing it right now?  Sometimes we put our lives on hold to much, worried about the ship coming in instead of enjoying the dock.  Is this just a passing condition, born of winter and another birthday, that will fade?  I've had my years of radiance in the past- and my years of 'oh my god getta paper bag NOW!'  I think we all do, we just don't see it in each other as much.

A truth I know about me is focus.  On an everyday basis, I operate like the butterfly the manz says I am.  I go from one thing to the next, a bit of this, a bit of that.  When I have to focus my attention into becoming one thing- smart for class, creative for a project, diligent for work- I can be like a laser.  Nothing stops me once I get started (starting is the hard part- I'm like a car parked on a steep hill.  When the brakes are on, they're on- let them off and I don't know when to stop rolling).  I have chosen to turn that energy into knowledge and art instead of beauty, finances, bodybuilding or competitive tiddlywinks.  I need to learn to be ok with that, or learn how to move the spotlight so that it sometimes shines in other places.

Chinaberry Tree

This is a Chinaberry tree, between the shed and the garden over at the farm.  I had never seen one before- I just knew Chinaberries from the hard dried up fruits used to make necklaces. I was rather surprised that they were all soft and squashy, but that explains how they would be strung- I would hate having to drill all those tiny holes!  I started reading about this tree, it is a relative of mahogany, grown for timber and here as an ornamental that has become invasive.  The fruits ferment on the tree, and birds get drunk off of them- they do not hurt the birds but are quite poisonous to humans.  They must actually have to be ingested I suppose- here I am thinking of generations of people stringing necklaces and getting their hands in their mouths before washing them.  When I googled it though, I only found cases of dogs being poisoned by them.  Anyway, this is curious because the chinaberry is thought to bring good health and rapid growth- a cure balanced by a curse.  Chinaberries were used to string religious beads- rosaries, prayer bracelets, necklaces- in many different cultures.  I'm thinking now of going and collecting some, making a something- but I'll be certain to wash my hands and keep it away from the dogs, no fear.

The 'Tail' of Two Cakes- the manz birthday!

The clown cake

The Crack Cake



Clown cake with coco damage-

Today is the birthday of the beloved Manz- and thank-you to all who sent cards!  (I am the loser who did not manage a card... ) Anyway- we headed out to the farm for birthday dinner.  As usual, it was good- country ribs, meatloaf, peas, beans, corn, sweet potato souffle (for me!), biscuits and cake.  His mom brought out the top cake- candles ablaze (the manz is old enough that we have switched to numbers instead of individual candles.  No fire hazards for us!) and we all sang.  The cake was chocolate chocolate, and covered with polka dots and clowns.  (You know the song- from the 60's- He's a clown, that Charlie Brown) anyway, it was beautiful but there was a twinge of disappointment from the manz.  He had been expecting a crack cake.

Crack cake is southern-style chocolate cake, which is not chocolate but a yellow cake with homemade boiled chocolate icing.  Traditionally it has several layers, with the icing between each layer.  The icing is put on hot enough to be liquidy, then cools to this marvelous thin, super chocolate, slightly crunchy fudgy goodness.  The way his mom makes the cake, she usually ends up with the top part cracked by accident- thus the name crack cake. (It is also super addictive).   This time she had an icing mishap - and also misplaced the third layer somewhere- and the icing puddled all around the cake, sticking it to the plate.  The finished product was deemed unsuitable for a main birthday cake (even with the decorative scary clown on top) and was put aside.  She did bring it out, and we did get to take it home (Hooray!  He better hide it from me though-).   

After dinner Charles and I went for a walk, out to the bee hives, with the doggs.  We came back and were talking in the living room.... all that exercise had apparently made CoCo hungry.  Karen discovered him up on the dining room table having a go at the clown cake.  As you can see, he gobbled up most of the icing and some of the top layer of the cake- and several stray polka dots.  Now chocolate is not good for dogs, and coco is a little thing.... he will have a belly-ache for sure later on!

Happy Birthday Mr. Manz, your wife loves you!


Mother's Birthday- what we did in my dream

Last night I had a dream about Glosser Brothers department store and Johnstown.  Mother and I were on the ground level looking at shoes and trying to find a shirt for Daddy for Father's Day (even though it was winter- there was a sale)  Collar size 13 1/2 or maybe 18? the number is blurry (Mother- is that right?  If so why in the world do I remember that?)

Anyway, I was home for a visit and Mother was telling me that I should respect Johnstown and the memories of it.  I was trying to explain that I didn't disrespect Johnstown, I just preferred places that were not-Johnstown.    I traded my boots (high heeled fabulous boots that I would love to own in real life) for dark brown rainbow sandals.  Then I woke up.  (We did find a shirt- it was not white, not pale yellow, but somewhere in between).

And this morning I am nostalgic, and it is Mother's 90th birthday, and no one is left in Johnstown- which makes me sad in an abstract way.  Johnstown is our home town, even though we are scattered across the everywhere- but it is not Johnstown as it is now, but the ghost of how it was.  Street cars and steel mills, blast furnaces lighting the sky, dirty snow downtown and the clean ice of the mountains.  Glosser Brothers with its many floors- the basement had bargains and groceries, the first floor perfume, shoes, on up to clothing, housewares, and hardware stashed somewhere towards the top.  Old metal escalators with steps like teeth- one person at a time, no rows here. Painted windows for Halloween, decorated to the hilt for Christmas (though not quite as elaborate as Penn Traffic's, and nothing like the big Kaufmans and Macy's in Pittsburgh).   Department stores with restaurants or at least a coffee shop, and the mezzanine where you could look out at the crowds below.  Revolving doors. So much more fun than Walmart, but actually walmartish in a way- everything could be had at one place.  I miss the old department stores.

I miss Mother, too.  I wish I could teleport or time travel or just magic up a way to sit and talk and see everything- as it was- one last time.  But that is what dreams are for, and I am gifted with those (I can hear the way the city snow sounds when you step on it- the top dark layer of cinders and salt is crunchy, like a shell.  The snow underneath has been partially melted and refrozen, it is hard and makes a mean snow/ice ball).

Today Mother is safe in Texas, and I am imagining her watching the deer, talking to Sue, having lobster and the elaborate strawberry cake-thing.    The rest of us, we go about our lives in our own places, we are the trees that remember the roots.

Happy Birthday Mother!  Thank-you for making us the people we are today- all of us.  We love you!

Manz Treasure and the Snow Day

Turrello thinks snow tastes delicious- if you're not out in it.

Bear can't decided to be out or in.  She'd make a great sled doggy.

Max chooses IN.  Even though he gets to wear his stylish pink coat outside- he still looks miserable.

Me and coffee and work-at-home.  No snowdays for online school!

Manz finding treasure in scrapped computers.

Today was a snow day.  So is tomorrow- we have a ton of snow with ice on top.  I love it, but I know we will have to make up the time at school (boo) and it will toss the exam schedule off (headache) and I will regret losing Spring Break or whenever days.....but still...I love it!   We had breakfast and watched cartoons, I worked fairly steadily all day on all my online courses.  I've had to switch to the MS program in technology, but that is ok~ we get to the places we need to go.   Manz watched assorted movies (spyish and an odd Dracula movie with Leslie Nielsen in it) and took apart salvage computers.  We make more money off of scrapping than selling in the winter- aok with me, and good for the environment.  I like this all stay-at-home work-at-home stuff.... I could get real used to it!

SALT

So... we need to rethink that food resolution.  (I know, I know, it's boring to talk about this- don't read if your bored : ) it's more of an introspective me working things out, ya know).

So... yesterday this is what happened.
1. Good start.  Sensible breakfast (oatmeal rocks! Mcdonald's has it now btw, but I get mine at home)

2. Get to school.  Our lady principal- my current role model because she manages to balance being a  new principal with a baby, a much younger husband, just got her doctorate, runs marathons, has uber-curly hair that always looks good and is just to perfect- brought us donuts as a reward for judging senior projects last night.  Not the typical boxed plain glazed donuts- I can resist those if I don't see/smell them- but *our* donuts.  The one donut we indicated was our absolute favorite at the beginning of the year. (Mine is a sugar bomb.  You know, the kind with frosting in the middle and icing on top).  So this amazing woman- who was at judging until past 8 last night, baby on hip since the faculty meeting at 3:30, because this has been hell-week at school- got up extra early (lives in Brunswick county, so let's add a 45 minute one way trip to school to her awesomeness) went to dunkin donuts in Wilmington to pick up the specialized order, just to give us our special donut.  You can't say no to that kind of dedication.  I ate the donut.

3.  One of my seniors who I mentored (they all passed with flying colors! yay! all those afternoons after school paid off) brought me a couple of cookies they made for a thank-you.   They stood there beaming at me until I ate them.... no hurt feelings here.

4. The foods class, that prepared the snackies for last night, made us a surprise thank you lunch- lasagna, green beans, tea, more cookies.  Doom.

5. My financial aid for college is all in a mess because of two many/not enough hours (it's a catch 24 situation that is way to complex and annoying to describe here)...so I either have to change my program or pay for my classes myself- anyway, they chose to wait until the first day of class to tell me this. So no money, and I'm freaking out.  I try to eat a table.  (actually not, but anything in sight that is remotely edible is fair game)

6. I go home, and the manz (who gets a kabillion gold stars for being understanding) tucks me in bed, where I sleep more or less until this morning.

I've been reading about addiction- and the H.A.L.T. factor.  Halt is what addicts are supposed to ask themselves before they indulge- what do they really need/feeling?  Are they hungry, angry, lonely, tired?  Well...for me I get to number one and it's history baby.  I'm changing it to S.A.L.T.-  meaning Stressed? Angry? aLone? Tired?  Explanation follows:

Stressed:  I eat when I'm stressed.  If I can recognize this, and do something else to destress.

Angry:  I get angry.  I get angry when I have to tell other people what to do. (Sit down, listen, blah blah blah)
I get angry- very- when I am criticised. I can do that for myself quite well, thank-you. (see? even thinking about it makes me angry)

aLone: instead of lonely- it's simply people-overload.  I love my kids at school, but they are needy, loud and always around (I actually had one *knock* on the bathroom door yesterday.  I came out and gave her a lecture about stalking and what the words 'wait a minute' mean).  I need quiet time.  Decompression without noise and questions and me, me, me.  I need to give myself 'time outs' at school.... soon as I find a place to hide.

Tired: when I'm tired I cease to function.  I get all of the above, plus stupid.  The only solution for that is a nap, which thankfully, the manz understands.  So when I'm tired, instead of trying to cram in more fuel/food, I need to sleep, even for just a few minutes. Or if that isn't possible, I just need to say 'hey, I'm tired' and stop doing stuff...

send good mojo to solve my financial aid problem. Money sucks.

Resolutions as Re-Solutions

Of course I made resolutions- I do every year.  I don't keep them every year (or I wouldn't be so fat!) but it's like a crap shoot- if I get to keep 25% of them, it pays off.  So far, that is holding pretty well- and I have learned that it is the long-term goals that I am good at keeping.

For example, resolutions that I make every year but always mess up: dieting/losing weight/eating healthy, exercise (except for the mental exercise of thinking about 'gee, I should exercise), entering an art show a month, writing a book.

But the resolutions that work- the ones in progress for the past few years include: buying a house (even if it *is* tumble down), paying off dept (slowly but surely- if we turn a big blind eye to student loans.), going back to school (with a vengeance!), doing my best at work (I'm moving along, as fast as a public school teacher can while avoiding the ball-n-chain of becoming a principal.  I would make a lousy principal, because I hate telephones.)

So, this year I have taken some time- a whole week!- before making resolutions.  Here they are, problems and solutions.

1. The food thing.  I am to big- it's not healthy, I don't like the way I look in the stomach area.  My issue with food is that I loooooove to eat, like all foods (no discrimination- I can over do Brussels sprouts as well as cookies).  I have bad food habits- I eat when tired, stressed, happy, celebrating, working, sick, well.....again, no discrimination.  I've been working on it, and I can say: 'Oh, I'm not hungry, I'm stressed, that is why I'm eating" or "I'm having a wonderful time! Mmmmmmm.....snackycakes! Yay, I'm eating because I feel good and want to indulge myself".  Recognition is the first step, I suppose.  Now to find my 'turn off switch' - that is my resolution!

more to come, but right now I've gotta go to work!

Bearsula the Watch-Dog

One thing that I get gold stars for is sleeping.  I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, dream vividly- and remember it (last night it was about a egg/spoon type horse race down a ski slope and through two railroad tunnels.  The winner made it, but if your timing was wrong the train would beat you and squash you in the last tunnel.  Max was my horse.) And I wake up well- usually.  If I need to get up at a certain time, I can tell myself 'get up early' or 'sleep in day' and adjust accordingly...but I do have backups.  My cell phone alarm is set, but rarely do I need it- am usually well into news-n-coffee by the time it goes off.  But I do have my faithful watch dog.

Bear is like clockwork.  About 5:30 every morning, she starts waking me up.  They sleep in the doggy room, so it has to be at a distance- she begins with one barely-heard noise.  If ignored this escalates to 'talking'- it's not whining, it's not barking (at all) but this fluctuating sound like a bloodhound on mute, which she is.  It goes up and down the register, and basically sounds a little like: wah, WAh waaaahhhhhhwah wah wah wah WAH wah mixed with 'scooby dooby doo' (*that's* what she says when she hears I am actually getting out of bed! woo woo wooo whoo).

By this time I am quite awake, and she is accompanied by the coffee maker gurgling, Turrello pawing and the general need to get up...I try to hurry around so as to not wake up the manz, but he usually wakes up anyway- a grouchy pre-coffee voice saying "what you being so quiet for?"  meaning that it is obvious that the rest of the house is up and ready to go!

Ambition

Yesterday was the first day of our new 'titan time' for these next weeks (think of it as a homeroom/studyhall that changes every few weeks. point is to get all the teachers and  students to know each other, allow students focused remediation in classes, and teach them stuff we can't get to in class.  right now before exams it is functioning as a study hall).  Anyway, there was an interesting conversation between Daisy and Denisha....  Denisha is one of my kids, brutally honest, speaks her mind, decidedly opinionated.  She can be quite a handful but is on the right tack, more or less.  Daisy I don't know- exactly- she is the cousin of  Grendel's first girlfriend (Ally) and they used to babysit her sometimes.  Cute girl, very country.  She and Denisha had grown up together in Carolina Beach, then both ended up living with other relatives here for various reasons.  They hadn't seen each other in a while, but recognized each other right away and started talking.

           Thing was, Denisha asked Daisy why she hadn't seen her at school before- Daisy said that she 'doesn't get to school much' and slips out most of the time during school- rarely finishes a day.  Denisha started with the questions right away (why? what do you do? where do you think this is going to get you?  what do you want to do with your life?  how do you think that's going to happen?  followed by 'you know that makes me mad, don't you?')  Denisha sounded *exactly* like her grandmother (who rocks)...but the point is that Daisy has no ambition.  None what so ever.  Hates school, hates learning  (why? "it's boring, hard and retarded").  Hates work.  What does she do?  get high and watch tv.  What does she want to do with the rest of her life? get high and watch tv.  How does she think she'll be able to do this without a job?  'oh, someone will eventually marry  me'.  I can tell by her conversation and her ability to defend this as 'her choice' that she is smart- I remember her vaguely as a smart little girl.  I did some checking and found out that when she does work in classes, it shows ability.  But she has absolutely no ambition, has had no ambition, and at this rate doesn't look like developing ambition is going to happen.

             I can't imagine having no ambition.  This is totally outside my experience- I've been lazy, I've not known  what I was going to do with my life, I've muddled about for a long time during my teens and twenties.  I went through phases (ok the first 12 years) where I HATED school  (remember Mother throwing me on the bus?) but that was more about hating social aspects than hating learning.  I've always loved to know stuff.  I've always had an  ambition- even if it was to grow up to be a horse when I was 5- and ambition puts me into the overdrive state that I live in today.  Everyone I know has an ambition- even if it is a little one.  Even if it is unrealistic- it is there.  "The green fuse that drives the flower" in the Dylan Thomas poem- the natural force that keeps us in motion.   What would it be like day after day to live without it?   I'm not just talking about the 'Daisy-hates-school-part', but her choice not to choose, to live her life through other peoples stories on tv in a fog of smoke.  (and she said 'I don't like all tv, it's just what I do.")

         I hope Daisy comes to school today and talks to Denisha more (Denisha will *not* let a subject drop- ever.  She would make a brutal lawyer someday).  I stand close to them 'doing stuff' so I can eavesdrop - and so they won't fight- they are both fighters and Denisha really  did get mad at Daisy for 'not explaining *why* she has no ambition'....but I'm curious.

Rare snow~

We had a rare snow just after Christmas- it was heavy and stayed for days, which was rather nice.  Our flamingo is covered with a white coat-

I love snow when I am inside (and ok, playing with it maybe once a year) but after Christmas I am done with it.  I'm ready for summer now, and not having to bundle up just to realize that there are holes in my tights *after* I get to school.  Speaking of which, we are back at school today and I am full steam ahead again- wish me luck!

Messy Nest

Today is the last day of break, so of course I am cleaning my messy nest- something I should of worked on a week ago.  But the manz says "maybe you should of started earlier, but you need your rest- and don't try to do it all today. Take a nap if you want to".  I'm full of day-before-school energy though so I am forging on.

We switched out kitchen tables again- this one is oval, and I like it better than the square one we had last.  Oval just suits the kitchen better.  I covered it with a log cabin quilt- one of my better auction finds.  This quilt was in box lots- just a dollar- it was covered with another fabric.  I ripped the fabric away and revealed this top- soft colors with  the blue and pink in the center.  Cozy and cheerful- I like quilts instead of table cloths, just because they have weight to them, and age, and it's a good display.  (We never eat at the table! yet I insist on having one-).

Today is a good day to clean and straighten and fuss around- it's warmish but rainy, and the manz has been in and out all day with various chores (some for us, then fixing Bobby Lee's sink, then off for a burger).  About the burger- we have the rental car while Traveler is being fixed....which is fine except the rental is all full of the new car smell which makes me nauseated in a flash.  I know other people love that smell, but not me... I had started cleaning yesterday then ran to Walmart for bleach, I was wiped-out carsick when I got home.  Since I have to drive it to work, which is farther away than Walmart, I needed a smell solution.  I dislike air freshers as much as new-car smell, and we had left the windows down....but it was still present.  So I sent the man off for a burger-n-fries with strict instructions to leave the bag in the car overnight- I'll toss the bag in the morning but hopefully the car will smell normalish.  (I know, I know... scent of burger is not for everyone but I'd rather be hungry than queasy!)

New Years Day

Windows.  Windows open, let you see outside to the possibilities and potential of everything.  Glimpses, magic walls of light.  This window- which window? Bathroom or maybe bedroom, was taken on my past birthday, a day that filtered winter light through snow and left the silhouette of tangled vines and cross roads.  A fitting metaphor for life- we have our directions and off shoots, perspectives in shades of gray.


I have learned quite a lot this past year, for it has been a year of changes.  I have learned to be married, to balance freedom with devotion, when to share and when to 'let go of the wheel'.  I am learning, still, how to let my son go- to push him out of the not-so-comfy nest and  encourage him to fly.  To believe that he can fly, and that it is time.  (I'm scared though- I must admit that truth.) I have learned that I don't have to be perfect, but that not being perfect drives me nuts, and obsessing over *why* I have to be perfect- including feeling guilty and making excuses for working hard- makes me even more nuts.  So... I can't be perfect at everything, but I can do my best.  The house might be a wreck right now, but it's our wreck- as long as it is livable and we work on it when we can, it will have to do.  It's our home.  Financially? I suck at money.  I can't save it, have no clue about investments and the like, and it stresses me out.  My solution? Hard work pays off.  Pay the bills on time.  Make do.  Good thing is that we have paid off several things this year, and it's getting better (as long as we don't think about student loans....scary....).  Work.  I love working, learning, teaching, designing, creating.  Work is more fun than fun.... and I'm not going to apologize for it anymore.  It's what I do, it's who I am..... otherwise I wouldn't stack on the challenges so much, but it is rather like a game....and it is fun/satisfying/plus I'm doing a bit of good in the world, I think.  and I make cool stuff.  and I get to work with people I love- my husband, my Miss Ball (even though we don't get to work together often, we are dynamos when we do), my kids (who drive me nuts, but are a constant source of entertainment).  I can't think of a better thing to do than this~ I am lucky.   Family- I love my family, even if I sometimes hermatize myself, I am always thinking/ dreaming of you. I tell our stories constantly (names changed to protect the innocent) and we have made together a glorious mythology of fact and character.  This includes us all, near and far, living and not, animals, cars, houses, places.... remembered, let go to live on in someone elses experience.


For this year- turning to the window- my fortune looks good, promising a year of work (!) and potential prosperity.  I know this spring I am crazy-busy again (rather than decreasing my activities, they have stepped up.  But opportunity only knocks once, and I am *so* answering the door!)  So, this spring I am: teaching @ Trask, teaching @ ECU, doing post-graduate work @ ECU, doing my assistantship at the Virtual High School (a practicum training, like student teaching.  Work no pay but you have to do it if you want certification), fine arts lead for the county, taking another course through LEARN NC (the county got this grant, and picked me. yay!) and working with our Morninglory.  (Sale season will start again in the Spring- in the meantime, we are living with tons of inventory.  I'm thinking of it as 'insulation'....or boy can't come back to the nest because his room is currently full of chairs!)  What all this does for me- in a selfish way- is it feeds my brain, keeps me active and creative and in motion. What it does for us is to build a life that is stable and fun.  It's exciting.


I am taking into consideration what I have learned about balance though, and busy though I sound, I will make time for downtime.  I promise to breathe every once in a while and to keep steady- but this is what I'm made to do.  And knowing that- a priceless blessing.


Love to all, and Happy New Year!