I have learned quite a lot this past year, for it has been a year of changes. I have learned to be married, to balance freedom with devotion, when to share and when to 'let go of the wheel'. I am learning, still, how to let my son go- to push him out of the not-so-comfy nest and encourage him to fly. To believe that he can fly, and that it is time. (I'm scared though- I must admit that truth.) I have learned that I don't have to be perfect, but that not being perfect drives me nuts, and obsessing over *why* I have to be perfect- including feeling guilty and making excuses for working hard- makes me even more nuts. So... I can't be perfect at everything, but I can do my best. The house might be a wreck right now, but it's our wreck- as long as it is livable and we work on it when we can, it will have to do. It's our home. Financially? I suck at money. I can't save it, have no clue about investments and the like, and it stresses me out. My solution? Hard work pays off. Pay the bills on time. Make do. Good thing is that we have paid off several things this year, and it's getting better (as long as we don't think about student loans....scary....). Work. I love working, learning, teaching, designing, creating. Work is more fun than fun.... and I'm not going to apologize for it anymore. It's what I do, it's who I am..... otherwise I wouldn't stack on the challenges so much, but it is rather like a game....and it is fun/satisfying/plus I'm doing a bit of good in the world, I think. and I make cool stuff. and I get to work with people I love- my husband, my Miss Ball (even though we don't get to work together often, we are dynamos when we do), my kids (who drive me nuts, but are a constant source of entertainment). I can't think of a better thing to do than this~ I am lucky. Family- I love my family, even if I sometimes hermatize myself, I am always thinking/ dreaming of you. I tell our stories constantly (names changed to protect the innocent) and we have made together a glorious mythology of fact and character. This includes us all, near and far, living and not, animals, cars, houses, places.... remembered, let go to live on in someone elses experience.
For this year- turning to the window- my fortune looks good, promising a year of work (!) and potential prosperity. I know this spring I am crazy-busy again (rather than decreasing my activities, they have stepped up. But opportunity only knocks once, and I am *so* answering the door!) So, this spring I am: teaching @ Trask, teaching @ ECU, doing post-graduate work @ ECU, doing my assistantship at the Virtual High School (a practicum training, like student teaching. Work no pay but you have to do it if you want certification), fine arts lead for the county, taking another course through LEARN NC (the county got this grant, and picked me. yay!) and working with our Morninglory. (Sale season will start again in the Spring- in the meantime, we are living with tons of inventory. I'm thinking of it as 'insulation'....or boy can't come back to the nest because his room is currently full of chairs!) What all this does for me- in a selfish way- is it feeds my brain, keeps me active and creative and in motion. What it does for us is to build a life that is stable and fun. It's exciting.
I am taking into consideration what I have learned about balance though, and busy though I sound, I will make time for downtime. I promise to breathe every once in a while and to keep steady- but this is what I'm made to do. And knowing that- a priceless blessing.
Love to all, and Happy New Year!
No comments:
Post a Comment