turn of the year

It is the end of the year, and we are home safe... time to say good bye, recoup and begin again. Transition.

It is fitting that the year ends with the excess of Christmas- lights, feasting, gifts- time off and visits. Abundance, then movement into the 'clean' season... when all of the holidays are packed away, everything seems simpler, cleaner, clear and it's easier to be determined. I never minded packing away Christmas for that reason- and for years it has been my tradition to pack it away on New Years Eve, ready for a fresh start.

Today is gray and wet, winter in the south. It's not that terribly cold, though it is supposed to become so tomorrow. It's just a soft slow day where I'm drifting from one thing to another. The manz is back from the auction house, is messing about with lightbulbs (piggytail lights he calls them) and other manz-type-chores. I'm writing, thinking about making coffee- I'm awake but feel like I'm dreaming this last of the year away. That's ok, it's a good day for it. Happy New Year's everyone- tomorrow we start afresh!

Right Way Ring and the Birthday~

The ring again, this time on the hand the right way~ with the wedding band closest to the heart. I love it, never guessed to expect it.... keep watching it sparkle.

So, it's my birthday and today I am 46. Imagine. I can't, I feel younger- much younger- in attitude, like I never quite grew up completely. In my mind I'm 10 years behind, and should be 36.... but I'm not. Tis ok as I expect to live a very, very long time- I still have lots to do with my life.

I like lists for birthdays, so here is my list of 46 bits of miscellaneous information about me: (it's ok to be self-centered on birthdays- like a gyroscope or centrifuge centering yourself helps to find the balance, and is needed at least once a year....)

1. I love my husband ~ he is creative, handsome, kind, smart, funny, interesting and makes me think...among other things.

2. I love my kid, and I trust him to find his way in the world. Growing up is hard to do.

3. I like doggs more than cats, but I have learned to love Turello (Squirt)

4. I sometimes feel guilty for not spending enough time with the doggs.

5. I love to drive, I just *go* someplace when I am travelling.

6. As much as I love to drive, I have learned to let the manz drive- and surprisingly I don't get sick.

7. I hate talking on the phone except to Mother, Melissa, and my sisters.

8. I am lucky enough to have had a best friend for years, a friend that has seen me through marriage, divorce, bad relationships, moving, falling in love and marrying again. Even though I've had many meltdowns, she remains loyal : )

9. My favorite drinks are: coffee, sweet tea with lemon, hot tea, water, diet tonic water (which is icky to the rest of the world), whiskey, dark 'bread' beer and manz-made blender drinks. Sometimes a coke-in-a-can.

10. I eat to much... sometimes because I am stressed, thirsty, bored- but mostly just because I love food and it tastes so damned good!

11. Except I dislike: jello, green foamy punch, chitlins, cracklins and cheetos. Everything else is pretty much fair game. (the only exception being Barbie's Cranberry wine salad, which is jello based but tasty none-the-less)

12. I fight with my weight in a passive-aggressive manner. In my mind, I look a certain way- but the scale says otherwise. I would like to be thinner- like 60 lbs thinner- giving it another go this year but I'm not going to let it make me crazy. When I diet I dream about food...

13. I believe in ghosts.

14. I never thought I'd ever have a relationship again, let alone be married. The manz is a constant blessing every day.

15. I never spell the word 'surprise' right- I spell it 'suprize'... because I think it deserves to have a prize in it.

16. I love being in school again.... I'm going to miss it when I graduate in May.

17. I worry about student loans, even though I pretend I don't... I trust luck and talent to find a way to pay them off someday... and the education is worth it. All will be well.

18. I remember my dreams and tell them to someone (usually the long suffering manz) every day.

19. Sometimes I talk in my sleep.

20. I would be lost without my sketchbook- I have somewhere around 39 or 40 of them now, take it with me everywhere I go. I wonder what will happen to them when I am gone... (if I live as long as I plan to, and continue at the rate of about 3 per year, that is 54 x 3 or 162.... which means I'll be leaving approximately 200 sketchbooks behind...)

21. My digital camera is a favorite toy- it goes with me everywhere.

22. I love the internet, computers, netflix, email, blogs, all my web pages...

23. I have way to many passwords and numbers in my head.

24. I like getting paid once a month because I am not good with money. That way I pay all the bills first off and am thus forced to budget the rest. I don't live extravagantly, I just don't pay attention.

25. I really want that elephant (the rhino will do) from White Lake.

26. I can't stand my hair when it is short- I am growing it out....

27. I dream about Daddy lots- mostly just going out to dinner with him and mom. In my dreams his heaven is a restaurant with good service.

28. I like my sisters. (I love them too!) but what I mean is that I think they are fantastic cool women who are smart, funny and interesting. Our lives make good stories.

29. I love facebook because it has helped me to discover lost friends and family, to reconnect with people from school and to finally get over high-school angst.

30. I can't go a day without making things. If I don't make something every day, something is very wrong.

31. I love teaching, but I hate telling people how to behave. If I didn't have to deal with behavior in school, my job would be perfect. As it is, it is almost perfect.

32. Every time I go to the doctor, they measure me at a different height (yes, I take off my shoes). There is a 3" variable, and I try not to slouch, and it is inconsistent (I'm not growing or shrinking, it just flexes up and down every time)

33. If I wasn't an art teacher, I would make a good: doctor, forensic pathologist, long-haul truck driver, armchair detective, illustrator, book-store owner, museum curator, actress

34. If I wasn't an art teacher, I would make a lousy: maid, flight attendant, super model, vet, spell-checker, policeman, accountant, investment banker, salesperson, driver's ed trainer

35. I love my mother- she taught me how to be an artist, how to *see* the world instead of just looking at it. To live life as an experience, a story, not just a daily grind.

36. The most risky thing I do is to explore abandoned places. Usually rural houses and old schools, and yes- I'm always careful. I don't know why I am so fascinated with these places, but I love them, visually, their stories, even the way they smell.

37. My other favorite smells are: polyurethane, paint, leather, horses, lavender, ginger, bergamont, 'outside', tea, coffee and the manz pillow.

38. The smell of a new car always makes me sick.

39. Spiritual, not religious. I have a pagan heart.

40. I like old things better than new things. I think objects have personality and spirit, and some things are just meant to belong to some people.

41. I am an Oscar that tried to be a Felix. (Sometimes my Felix self pops out and I 'red something up'.... that restores order and makes it all clear)

42. If I know an animal dies in a movie, I won't watch the movie. I don't watch the Kentucky derby anymore either.

43. I love my life.

44. If I could travel to anywhere, I would choose to drive from here to California, then back up to Maine. That would be the best, and I could visit people and places along the way....

45. My favorite city is New Orleans, followed by Savannah and San Fransisco.

46. I wouldn't trade being me for anything- my ever after is turning out pretty darned happy!

He's at it again!

That Turkey Whisperer.... today he summoned up a Tom Turkey with a whole flock of guinea hens... I know that some folks eat turkey at Christmas, but honey, isn't it supposed to be cooked?!?

Merry Christmas!!!

Twas the morning of Christmas and all through the house-
Not a creature was stirring..... except Charles, who was up at 5 am getting Christmas started! He made coffee, let the doggies out, then woke me up... we watched a Christmas special (starring Rusty the Reindeer, the lesser known brother of Rudolph).

Then we woke up the boy, all snuggled in bed with the doggies (we let them back in)

Time for the Christmas Cuddle! Doggs and kitty, saying good morning... they got to open their presents first. Max ran off happily with his boney, but Bear was kinda clueless and more interested in the cats toys- flutter balls with feathers. Finally she got the idea and went off to the boy's room with her bone...

We took turns opening presents, starting with our stockings then moving on.... Grendel opened boxes of spices and ramen noodles, a crock pot for school (get the hint boyo?), his keyboard and programming book... then Charles told him to go unplug the lights. On the porch Santa had left the long-awaited puppy dogg chair!

The manz stocking was full of manz snacks- pistachios and licorice, and a sheriff's badge because there is a 'new sheriff in town' laying down the law! Movies from the boy, a red polo and a life is good shirt from me, and a painting of White Bear Whittington. Love the manz!

Must admit that my Christmas was the best- tea kettles from the boy, and the clever manz had a series of poem-cards that lead me on a scavenger hunt all around... things tucking in gourds, beside the mountain bear, hidden on the tree itself. Scarf and gloves, tights, gum, super 77 and new modpodge.... then the big surprise! Hidden in a bear ornament, the ring! Yay! Totally unexpected, beautiful, perfect.....

Just finished the manz-made breakfast, eggs with cheese, potatoes, hot sausage (that survived the great sausage caper of 2009.... three of my students were caught attempting to steal a truck load of sausage on Wednesday...) hot coffee. delicious.

This is the best Christmas- home with our little family, everyone close and having fun, loving each other. Later we will go over to Charles's parents house for dinner, call everyone that is far away, relax at home... the important thing is that we have each other, love each other and are making new traditions of our own. Here's to the first Christmas- may there be many, many more!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I married a (W)rapper!

Yo, hohoho dawgs! Wazzup? Did you know that I married a wrapper? Yep, and I am so glad that I did! Now, this wrapper is the bling-less kind who drives a big old Esmeralda bus instead of a limo, whose crib is a tumble-down-but-steadily-improving cottage, whose baby's mama is only mama to a cat (and a couple of doggs and the boy).....

Here is the manz himself wrapping presents with precision and an abundance of tape. Everything is precisely cut and folded, taped on most all edges with carefully coordinated wrapping paper- different designs for each person. A production involving gradual movement from the chair to the floor, acquisition of additional roles of scotch tape, and the occasional under layer of duct tape to secure the boxes. Perfection.

My presents on the other hand, for all of my artistic skill and training, tend to be lumpy with uneven cuts, an abundance of paper on one side and not enough on the other. I understand the *theory* of wrapping, but I tend to be doing a million things at once and thus.... I cover mistakes with a surplus of bows, ribbons and the occasional home-made snowflake. It's the thought that counts, right?

The Kiss

Kiss the bride! Another wedding photo- and for those of you that couldn't attend, the wedding day story:

It was cold that morning, clear but very cold- we rounded up the boy and headed over to the hotel to meet everyone for coffee and plans. The fellows headed out to home depot in search of the traditional wedding toilet, Grendel and Gabe back to the house to play video games, and the Sisters (Suzy, Barbie, Me and Melissa and Michelle) to Sams... where we snacked happily on samples, acquired the cakes and the flowers and bubbly grape juice for toasting. Then we went over to the dollar store for balloons, and became quite giddy collecting other wedding stuff including a tiara, garter, and clapping hands....

Then we went back over to the auction house, set out the cakes and things, one final check of plans and a quick look around. On to the hotel for the dressing of the bride! In the meantime, the toilet was delivered home (it wouldn't fit in the trunk, so it rode in back-seat splendor)... and the guys did guy stuff like eat lunch, take power naps (or intentional power naps...I don't think that really materialized) and Charles hung out at the auction house with the picture until the last moment...

So far so good, until the dressing of the bride. The underdressing was ok- pantyhose, dress-sausage-shaper thing, makeup and hair.... but the dress itself? fit fine the day before, but acquired a zipper disaster... first it stuck. then it separated. then it got all catywampus off track and refused to do anything at all. Much panicking, a frantic call to Sister Sue and a mad dash to the gas station for safety pins. Head over heels, a thousand safety pins later and it is on, more or less. The shawl is draped around and secured with even more pins.... and then the strap of the left shoe breaks. Ok, can tuck it under and handle. Everything is fine if I don't breathe and stand very still..... during this time manz calls, wondering if everything is ok and where we are (time is approaching and I was supposed to be at the auction house 15 minutes ago...) We assure him that all is manageable, I am not backing out but we might be a teensy bit late..... we arrive- meet Grendel and LC outback...no wedding music. That's ok, Jordan is there and will sing- I'll walk down the aisle to that.... untraditional but doable (seems to be a theme for the weddings)...

Grendel and I start down the aisle- everyone is there- the front pins on the dress give way but that is ok as long as I hold my flowers up and keep my arms in.....

Looking around- so many people! the regulars, the family, friends, students- current ones and some from back in my first year of teaching, a few unfamiliar faces that look puzzled (what is a wedding doing at an auction?!?) but happy. The preacher in his black robes, Christmas sweaters, Santa caps, Ariel's golden sparkly evening gown, Neena's explosion of hair and tattered white dress.... Grendel all formal and nervous, Charles looking polished and handsome and just a little frozen in place (we do have a great deer-in-headlights picture of the moment). The ceremony begins- it's traditional and somehow we make it through- a bit teary eyed, and I laughed (I always laugh) but it's meaningful and fun and forever and just grand. The kiss, applauded by the clappers, and it is sealed.

Back down to aisle to congratulations and cake, huge pot of vegetable soup. Posing for photos (send me some! hint hint) shaking hands, hugging. Jordan running around trying to make us a video diary, a concept which was apparently unfamiliar to most people as they didn't know what to do, or did nothing- tis ok, we will cherish what is on it- whatever that may be (haven't seen it yet- not edited.... waiting is the hardest part).... I am being friendly while becoming ever more worried about losing my dress. It's ok. Charles is more nervous now than before the wedding I think, scooped up for photos, trying to get the marriage licence squared away (we had a bad panic moment after the wedding when we couldn't find it- then realized that the preacher was supposed to keep it....) I hug everyone, laugh alot, babble about my dress (I'm the type that tells everything when I'm nervous) have fun. Wedding presents- sheets, a crockpot, photoframes, gift cards, two wedding albums (both are white and fluffy, one is in Spanish) and embroidered towels. Our beloved wife and husband mugs, the toilet. A big glass and iron decorative thing. (actually we opened things later, at home- they are snuggled around the Christmas tree, except for the mugs and crockpot which we are already using)....

Auction goes smoothly- we talk most of the time, watch the manz work, draw a bit (but not much, drawing skills way off tonight) win $50.00. Ada is given the painting, everyone seems to like it, she is touched and cries. Finish up, and the car is decorated with paint and ribbons, magnetic signs and a flag which blew away on the way home.... it is late, and cold, and we are very very happy on this the first night of our new lives. Thank-you, one and all.

First Week!

It has been a whole week of married bliss! Yay! I know you thought I fell off the world- no blogs for a week and after such a big occasion- well, truth is, I did fall off the world. Whoosh!

But in a good way- we 'honeymooned' Sunday and Monday.... Christmas shopping in Wilmington on Monday, and out to our first 'married folk' dinner at Texas Roadhouse (best baked sweet potato ever!). The rest of the week was finishing up school before holiday- Night of the Arts on Thursday-and I just kinda collapsed from over doing, which required lots of naps a few blender drinks and endless episodes of 'Deadwood' and 'Northern Exposure'...... Manz was a bit worn out to around the edges, but has been working busily on the bathroom floor (it looks great), Christmas lights, the auction and for cranky Miss Ann. I did finish up school and get my grades back- straight 100's- YAY! and now it is time for Christmas Holiday.

And me begging all of you- if you have wedding pictures, *please please please* email them to me so I can send them to Mother. Neena's camera messed up and she lost hers (and cried), LC is supposed to finish the video on Monday (but I can be patient- it is her first Christmas as a single mum and I know how that feels...) But I know Mother is dying to see some photos- and because I was the bride, I didn't take them. (not that coordinated). I do have a few that I am mailing her on Monday.... with some editing. (My butt vs. my dress... the dress lost. But that is another post)

anyhoo, we are happy happy married up folks now- it still feel like a dream, but I love it! (ok, butterfly mind of mine says "mention that last night you dreamt that you were a superhero whose costume was made entirely of minimarshmellows". And I will leave you today with that vision of loveliness....

Today is the DAY!

Here we are on the night before! TODAY is the day- it's not even 5 yet and we are both awake and excited- and received the first present of the day: a lovely big mousie from Turrello (his FIRST mousie!) Yay! (we are not keeping it though- after it was thoroughly admired it was tossed into the yard).

Yesterday was busy but fun- I finished that painting, we went to get our marriage licence but they were closed for a Christmas party... so we wandered around Burgaw (which was fun) then went out to Charles' folks house, had lunch and acquired coolers.

Home, cleaned up a bit- our to dinner with everyone at the Mexican restaurant. Sue and Tom, Barbie and Tom, Grendel...Melissa, Michelle, their mom Marilyn, BJ and Margo and Gabe. Huge happy crowd of salsa eating people (ask Charles about the international sign for 'bring guacamole and sour cream').

Charles and the Toms and Grendel went after dinner to ice the drinks and finish prepping the auction for the wedding... Melissa, Michelle and I (and a very reluctant Gabe) went to get my eyebrows done, Barbie and Sue went off to talk at the hotel, and Marilyn/Margo and BJ went *somewhere* (involving shopping and something about 'lap dances'...hum....i'm guessing they had the bachelor party for us!) Then we came home and both fell sound asleep in our chairs while watching Deadwood.

Today is the day! (I keep saying that) I'm so excited! I don't care anymore if the house is clean or my website for school works, I don't care about anything except doing this! We are getting married- for real- really real- and moving on to our version of happy ever after. I'm head over heels in love, happier than I've ever been and ready to rumble! I love you manz, let's go!

Whoo Hair

Neena and Ariel have whoohair...(I'm calling that it because I am not sure what else to call it) but it is cool. and creative. and Neena's smells like candy because she used grape kool-aid to color it.

It's made of wool spun (Ariel can spin! yay!) from angora bunnies (and maybe some from Pete, the dead lama) and tied into their hair so that they can have all the fun of dreadlocks without the commitment.

Actually, I love it- it's fun, creative and why not? If I was a teenager again I hope that I'd be brave enough to do things like this (I was not a brave teenager, aside from the forays into Bellydance and Bagpipes) It's fun to watch the kids play with their appearances like this- the hair, the clothing- it's just fun. To often we worry about how others think of us, how we should look to be appropriate for our age, and we forget to play. To wear our 'holy' jeans (the manz favorite pair is held together only by love and good thoughts), our aprons (my favorite), whatever~ of course we have to temper things on a daily basis (functioning as adults after all) but sometimes- often- i just want to be me.

Today I was looking all teacherly- black skirt, gray sweater set, hair up.... then I switched my sweater for my painting hoody, covered the skirt with my big messy apron, and the hair is slowly escaping.... even though I had my apron on all day, the skirt has white blurbs on it where paint magically seeped through (that apron has so much paint on it that it might as well be plastic). But I worked hard on the painting today and I'm feeling much better, much more calm. (of course the undying admiration of students is good for the ego. they are so easily amazed, which builds my self-confidence, which helps me to paint faster/better) whew. and my studio stuff is safely shipped off to ECU, I checked on the marriage license, and looked up flowers on the web. ($10.00 at foodlion vs $89.00 at the florist. For 15 minutes and a toss- I'm going cheap)

So tonight, home and the famous man-sketti (and we will no longer discuss my turkey-based-fiasco of yesterday) grading the college kids, maybe cleaning around some. Having fun. Christmas lights. Starting to relax a bit... here's hoping!

Painting~

Part of a really bigish picture that I have been painting on all day- taking a blog break, then right back to work. Of course I have waited until the last minute, of course it is due next Saturday, of course I am getting married (YAY) next Saturday.....have a house to clean, shopping to do, not to mention finals for ECU, grading board posts and- oh yeah- my job.

Anyway, I forget how much I love to paint and how horrible I am at deadlines. and commissions. worry worry worry especially when people have to resemble reality, everyone is going to see it and be judging it (and hopefully not throwing stones at the artist), I have to make deadline (I always do, but that sometimes means keeping odd hours and working without end).... argh. WHY do I do this to myself??? Right now when I want to "relax and enjoy the wedding thing" I am flogging myself over this painting. Oh well, no cure for it except to suck it up and get it done, hon.

The wedding is only a week away! Actually, this time next week I am expecting to be clinging to the ceiling in anticipation- I am so excited! not to mention happy, thrilled and several other things (including thirsty. I am always thirsty lately- blaming it on heating.) Sorry about fussing (whining or whatever about this painting) ...I totally take responsibility for starting it late, but I have to vent somewhere.... and I'm not in a bad mood, actually I'm quite giddy. Which makes life interesting~

The manz is working so hard- of course he has a kabillion job-things to do, plus he is knocking out the living room floor, doing the bulk of the home-chores and decorating like mad for Christmas (the yard glows at night! lovely, bright, fun)....

Deep breath. This is our forever- I am so excited, want to be a good wife, do a good job, keep a happy home for our little family. My fingers are crossed to wish us luck, for everyone can use some. (and wouldn't winning the lottery be nice for a wedding present? of course, I still have to get this painting done, but hey~ )

Snow Bears

It's pouring down rain, and the man is outside lighting the latest bunch of Christmas lights- all along the eves of the house, up in the dogwood tree. They shine so warmly through the rain and fog- the house is cozy, smelling of crockpot food and potatoes. It's good to be home.

He retrieved all of his treasures from storage- boxes and boxes of bears, tubs of ornaments, a big tree and lots of lights. Deep inside all of this he found the bear snowglobe- he told me about this snowglobe long before we started dating at the first Christmas auction I ever went to. (Little did I dream that I would marry the snowglobe guy! I thought he was flirting with Melissa not me...sometimes I can be oblivious)

Anyway, it is a treasure. Bears and a little train that goes around the inside (look close, you can see the locomotive), it plays music and is all sparkly. The yarden is sparkly to- the manger is glowing, and if you look close in the background, you can see the white tree on the porch. Comfortable and festive, homey and fun and welcoming the season. It makes me happy that he is so excited about Christmas (and the Wedding!) We both go around alternating between glowing happy and worrying about punch (to punch or not to punch? I vote no- it's messy. And I have no clue how much to make, and I'd rather not worry about it- canned drinks make everyone happy), where to put the cake table and why the preacher hasn't called. (argh! but tis ok, if he backs out, we'll think of something...) But right now I have a heap of work due for college tomorrow (I hate deadlines. Not good at them at all) and I intend to 'cozy in' with my family, indulge in some crockpot food and watch the rain. I want nothing more in the world than to be right here, right now.