The Manz Understands~

And he brought me glads from the yarden when I had this mornings meltdown- and he understood when the original meltdown evolved into "I don't want to work all summer this is stressing me out and I want to quit Lumina and I feel like a failure and what about the money and ....."on and on and on.
He reassured me that I am not a failure, that I don't have to work all summer (in fact, he reminded me that he wanted me to take the summer off in the first place- an opinion seconded by Mother), that the money is not that important (we always make do) and to just calm down. So after much leaking about the eyes and a glass of orange juice, I am... he is off now with his Dad to collect a heap o' cabbages for give away, and I am thinking about this decision.

I stumbled across the Lumina post by accident on craigslist, and I viewed it as a good opportunity to begin teaching online- which it is. And the money isn't bad, and in theory it was doable. But I've found myself avoiding the work, sleeping to much and having constant stress dreams about school. I worry about burning myself out, keeping the deadline pressure going, not taking care of our home, our family, myself (selfish as that may sound- but I need to get better). I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I hate feeling like a failure- it's rare that I take on something that I don't finish and I don't like that one bit. I hate feeling out of control, and right now I do- spinning in place and I am tired of doing that. The engine needs turned off.

It's summer, and right or wrong I want to clean my house, make art, read, go to Texas, see mother, play with my doggs, nap without guilt, cuddle with the cat, get healthy, go to the beach, take photographs, spend time with my boy, my family, my friends and most of all be relaxed and happy and 'in the moment' with my beloved husband. I don't want to be worrying so much about what I should be doing that I neglect what I am doing. Does this make sense? I know the 'straight and narrow' thing to do would be to follow through with the job. That is hard work, little risk, just discipline and focus. But something tells me that the responsible thing to do is to step back, make my apologies, bow out and just focus on the 'now'. Work will always be there, and money- no one ever has enough. Family isn't always there though, and summer is slipping by. I'm choosing now.

Artifact

June. June and its been so hot that the air smells burnt outside, the bite-bugs are in full force (happily breeding in the giant hole across the street) and everyone is instantly covered in sweat. June and all of my good intentions are awash- even though I have been out of school for almost 2 weeks now, I haven't begun on my great projects of summer, or not begun in full force. Instead I have taken *lots* of naps, avoided working on the Lumina stuff, and cleaned the bedroom. That was this morning-

You see, years ago when I was newly single and at the beach, my room became very feminine, haven-like with lace and the rose lamps, the pink china clock, ropes of pearls hanging from the doors, old family photos, documents, Granny Wrye's drawing of the Belle of the Atlantic. I held onto this look even when moving to the cottage- due to nostalgia (for the beach house as well as loyalty to family-objects). Things gradually changed. The bed, held up for years with duct-tape and cinder blocks, was replaced. Then moved. Another dresser was added when Charles moved in, and a stack of trunks that became his bedside table. In the past few weeks, Turrello has discovered that he can walk around the room while not touching the floor, that pearls are great fun to play with, and that he can make my old tin boxes 'talk' at four in the morning by bouncing on them just so......

Today, I decided it was time for a change. I pulled everything off the shelves, off the walls. I kept some things out, but mainly that which is immune to cats. I have replaced the rose lamps with the oil lamp I found at the auction, and the waternight jar that the manz surprised me with the other week is beside my bed. I still have my abalone shells, the rocks from California and the heart shaped rocks we collect, the tray Aunt Mary brought back from Mexico- on it is my crystal ball (yes, I actually have one!) the first present Grendel gave me on his own (a bracelet of black metal hearts from a claw-machine), Mother's roadrunner pin, the plain cross that Daddy had (somewhere), the coin Grendel brought me back from Rome. The rose table is replaced by the lovely little secretary with the drawers that Charles brought home from a sale (I won't let him sell it! It's handmade and a sweet sweet piece).... I'm not sure what art to put in the room yet, but that will come along. Point is, homes need to evolve, just like families and people do.

The artifact in the photo is something they dug up across the street- not ours, this one, but the manz has brought over a few choice shells that- according to the soil guy- "are as old as the dinosaurs". Me, I'm still hoping for the dinosaur.... I remember trying to find fossils in the rocks at Headacher... I believe.

And speaking of which, I think this house has its name at last. It was obvious, really- Hazelwood. That was the name of the little old lady who lived in it since it was built- built for her- and it is only fitting that it carries her name on. And so it is.

Coco-joe

Coco looking handsome after having his nails done.... (Joe isn't really part of his name, just a name I have for him, coconojoe) Coco goes everywhere with Charles's dad... in the truck, on the tractor, to the bank, to the stockyards, to the auction, to Penderlea... He is a busy little dogg and everyone knows him.

It's been a busy week, today is a sale day for us and the Blueberry Festival- we are not doing it this year, but we are going to go check it out this afternoon and talk to our friends that are set up... We set up Thursday, did ok- yesterday I had my screen test for Lumina and passed! SO summer has turned into a working summer after all... but it is mostly at home, I don't start filming until after July 4th. I can't remember if I said anything about Lumina before, so briefly it is an international online school that I am doing contract work teaching for (high school art). I'm not giving up my day job (NO WAY) but it's a nice bit of extra money and will help with my transition into online teaching. And the program is good karma- Lumina provides K-12 education to refugees, orphans and indigenous kids in third world countries. So what happens is I write (adapt) my lessons, they film me teaching in the studio, then it is transmitted to the school sites. A facilitator/ director is at the site, and they play the video, do translating if needed and do all the hands-on instruction. The first schools are set in Malaysia, with other sites opening in other areas.... it will be challenging and interesting and.... extra money is a good thing.

So, in celebration, the Manz made mansketti last night and garlic bread, my favorite food in the world (Mansketti) and we watched Carnivale.... mmmm.... summer....

Concert in the Yarden

Yesterday was the last day of school, and it was perfect. In early, work done and over- back home for a nap then beautification of the eyebrows at Walmart. It was blasting hot again, and the manz had worked all day, so I picked up some subs for dinner. We settled in with subs and the first few episodes of Carnivale (love it! one of my favorite shows ever) when in a bit there was a knock on our door.

It was the fellows from the workcrew across the street- we had let them set up a tent in our yard so they could have a shady spot to break in. Over the past few weeks of working here, they have become friends with Charles (their local connection for anything from scrap metal to the fire department to free watermelon).... They spend their free time away from home playing music, and asked if they could possibly play in our yarden for us. We got out the chairs, and all settled in (even the boy) for a few hours of music- with jokes and stories. They play old songs, bluegrass, many of them sing- we concerted until about 10 last night (everyone has to be up early for work). Check out the video of them playing and singing 'Old Red' - that was Bear's favorite I think...

It was a perfect way to start the summer- sitting under the stars in our own yard, fireflies flickering all around, good music, my manz singing and lots of laughing. Wish you all could of been here- it was one of those moments that lives forever.

Pepper Sprout

This is Houston, the Pepper-sprout, who is a month old yesterday. He is Pepper and Liz's boy, our god baby- I got to hold on to him lots at the auction Saturday. I miss babies, but no more for me- a Grendel is enough! (and wonderful)

Still and all, the manz and I sometimes imagine that if we had met and married many moons ago, we would have a pack of wild curly haired red-heads to add to the mix. Tis ok to wait on the someday grand babies (not someday soon Grendel please!) and in the meantime enjoy the little ones around us.

Today we went to Uncle Willie's funeral- he was 87, one of the oldest members of the Well's family. It was a long Southern service, with a good dose of sermonizing (off on a tangent that had nothing to do with Willie) then the burial in 100 degree heat. It was well attended, and we did not go to the feasting because I had intentions of going on to school...instead I took a nap and worked at home. I'll have to make up a day, but that's ok. It would be nice to be like Uncle Willie- he seemed to be very well loved and healthy up until the end- he started feeling off while gardening, something he loved and was well known for. It wasn't but a few hours after that he was gone- and that is a way I wouldn't mind going. (not gardening tho- no good at gardening at all) but doing something I love right up until the end. Reading or writing or making things or.... probably... taking a nap. Don't worry, I shan't be caught while cooking or cleaning!

So now it is evening and the manz is home from work and good deeds, boy and I are home from a trip to Wal-mart for essentials (dog food, an office chair and ice cream of various sorts- mine is respectfully sugar-free fudge bars while the fellows wallow in the good stuff).

Penderlea

The Penderlea museum day was yesterday- as well as graduation, auction and our anniversary (6 mths! Yay!) We were all up early and out to set up- this is a photo of part of our booth- I was really happy with the way it looked- interesting and fun, like a gypsy tent with all the scarves hanging. Lots of interest and compliments, not many sales (which is ok because this is the first year they included antique vendors, there were only 3- us plus our friends Rebecca and Cindy-) but connections, connections which are good things. And Cindy took the blueberry chairs to put in her store for next weekends blueberry festival- hopefully they will sell.

Was was uber-successful is the milkcan Charles is holding, even though politics played a major role in it's sale. I painted it with a picture of the museum on one side (yes, it's a house- but a special house) and blueberries, text on the other side (name of museum and date). It was part of the fundraiser auction- the museum gets 10%. We sweetened it to "the museum can have anything over $150.00"- not expecting it to really go that high, or at least I didn't expect it to- they sell for $50. But I wasn't counting on local politicians trying to out-community each other. The painting before the can sold for $250.00 to one of the politicians.... they started bidding on the can then and *wham* the other politician bid $500.00. Sold. Amazing- we made enough to make a profit for the day plus did well for the museum- very cool beans indeed.

So anyway, now I am toying with the idea of repainting the cow-can with blueberries for next week- it is the only can that hasn't sold- and while *I* like it you have got to play to your market.... I also want to change my last painting, which wasn't quite finished and not quite right- the wind blew it over and impaled it on a paintbrush so now it has a hole in the canvas...I see that as a divine sign to redo it, and experiment since its screwed up anyway.

Meanwhile, today I am supposed to be cleaning, doing my chores, finishing the vetting of the state standard course of study, prepping for the screen-test lesson tomorrow, but it is noon and I have no energy. I was up, then back for a nap at nine til eleven thirty, I can hardly keep my eyes open now.... makes me feel bad because the manz worked all day yesterday, was back at work this morning at 9 (at Angel's auctions first, then ours) and I haven't even managed to wash the dishes. The dr. put me on various meds including hormones, so far all they do is make me throw up at random moments and the situation seems worse. whine, whine, whine- am getting a second opinion at some point soon- I can't stand not being energetic, there is way to many things to do and enjoy to be sleeping all the time and complaining about it- I hate that but I can't seem to help it.

We did have a fun day yesterday though- these first six months have flown by, yet it seems as if we have been married forever. I have to say it to all of you who I doubted when you told me there "was someone out there for me" and I said "no, no, no".... you were right and I was wrong and I'm so very very glad that I was wrong! Long loves the manz!

Band-ana Boys!

Boys from the band enjoying early morning bananas- the Dad gave Charles a ton of bananas last week....everyone got some and I took some to school several days which made the band boys very, very, very happy. As you can see. Yesterday it was Watermellons- the manz gave some to everyone we know plus a few strangers... they are the most generous people I know ; )

Not a long post until tomorrow- fixing to go to Penderlea for the antique show, then graduation, then auction... busy, busy.

School's Out!

Coolest album cover ever, just about. The top opens up like an old fashioned school desk, the kind I grew up with and was forever being sent to the hallway to clean. (It was such a messy nest that the lid wouldn't shut, and the teacher would exile me + desk to hallway while other people were at recess...) Anyway, I actually owned this album, one of my first- I didn't really like any of the songs (other than school's out) but the album was the most interesting thing to look at...

So today was the last student day, not so bad. One minor morning meltdown in my room (a senior's girlfriend's mum washed the pants he left on the girlfriend's bedroom floor and ruined his sign out sheet. She apologized, but he was telling the story at school and the girlfriend got upset and then meltdown for both of them. I got it sorted out, another sign out sheet and all is well. Still, if I were the mum, I would of KILLED him for leaving his pants on my daughter's bedroom floor. Any self-respecting boyfriend could of at least hung them on the door.... -my how times have changed!) Anyway, the movie we were supposed to watch was 'Remember the Titans' (again) so we ditched it for season one of the Xfiles (surprising- the majority of the kids had never heard of the Xfiles, and happily fell in love with it) The principal came in- brief fear of being in trouble for not watching the Titan move- but instead he was "ooooohhhh Which one is this? Season one? I haven't seen that for a long time.... Oh, must get back to work....to distracted" So life is good.

Tomorrow work, then doctor, Friday Raleigh, Saturday Penderlea Museum antique sale, then graduation, then auction.... Monday school and my screen test (maybe) for the International Academy (it's an online teaching gig), Tuesday/Wednesday the last teacher days... then freedom! Yay!

This years recap:

School was good, and not just because of my #1 parking spot (the reward for being teacher of the year- that and my shiny gold star). We only had one principal shift, when Claire King finished her internship (it was fun having her here, because they would mix up our phone numbers. Her husband always said "Hi Gorgeous!".... and I'd have baffled in-trouble kids showing up at the art room wondering why their teacher sent them here.....

But that all changed in December when I got married (YAY!) and became Mrs. Owens, or Rowens as it has become (R. Owens). The kids met and adopted Charles (Mr. Fuzzy) and lived in envy of my tales of hot breakfast, tasty dinners, and lunch surprises. Phone calls every afternoon, and everyone noticed I was greatly more cheerfuller (as they put it).

Anyhoo, I will miss these seniors- Sneaky, Neena and Ariel (with their lama fur hair) all the others. And I will miss school at ECU (even though I am going on with other things, they won't have the studio classes that were fun fun)...but I am proud of me for finishing, and for finishing my National Board Renewal. We get to the places we need to go.

So, summer time and summer goals for me:

1. get healthy

2. Texas trip to visit Mother and everyone!

3. go to the beach some.... I know tarballs are evil, but I also know that tar balls that have been in the water for a bit get hard and carveable. I can make stuff out of them....

4. Make lots of art things, write lots

5. Play with the house and yarden

7. Work on our Morninglory project (the store and selling things)

8. Spend time with the doggies

9. Not stress out about this online job, even if I get it.

10. ENJOY the manz, the boy, friends, family, adventures, the doggies and kitty, summer (heat! Hooray for heat!) and all the good things.

Basically, I just want to relax and be 'in the moment' for a change. I spent all year focused on deadlines- it was like running a race. I'm good at that, but I need some 'out to pasture time'......sugar.

Work is goooooood for boys!

Saturday is sale day, and Kyle spent the night, so he was drafted to help. Here is the manz directing placement of a mattress to his happy helpers- they then hid from the sun behind the mattress until it was sold.

It is so nice to have the boy home- he can help lift and carry all the furniture so we can make multiple trips to get sellable stuff, plus he is starting on his selling skills. Saturday was an excellent day as we sold a dining set, bed and mattress set, assorted other things including chairs, dressers, small stuff, all the fishing rods (yay! I am always afraid of the hooks) and just did well overall. I love doing this- we are all together outside, get to meet people and talk, our friends stop by and I paint the whole time (and get the ego stroked by compliments- even though my skills are rusty at the moment...I painted the lighthouse this weekend, not quite finished but it isn't quite right....) Anyway, a good (and profitable) time is had by all. And the boys get to be outside in the sun, and we have excellent unpaid labor (evil mummy). Seriously, Grendel seems to like helping Charles, and they have (so far) come back smiling from their 'workbonding' experiences. Which is a good thing-

Go to Work with Dad Day!

Today was go-to-work-with-Dad-day! Charles had to go to Jacksonville to pack up and load a house-of-stuff for the auction, and there was a lack of usual help...so the monster got to go. I admit, I was wondering how it would work out- it's physical, obviously dirty, and lots and lots of lifting and carrying. But they came home with smiles on their faces, job well done and boy tuckered out (fell asleep in the truck on the way home, of course- car + boy = nap).

Work is a good thing- and physical work is good for a Grendel, plus profitable...and the whole male bonding (well, male bonding plus Ada and antiques). I'm a happy camper, and soon pizza will be here and everyone will be full and happy and snugged in on a rainy night.

I do love my men-folk!

Memorial Day

Memorial day weekend was busy beyond busy- Thursday I went down to Savannah to fetch the boy, he is home safe- we took a quick detour to the campus bookstore (ExLibris) to return books and find treasures, then to my favorite Asian place- a tiny hole-in-the-wall that he discovered, so that I could have krispy fish for lunch.... long trip home, then school Friday, then the Manz and I headed down to Charleston to see Barbie and Tom. I was surprised by a Celebration cake! (with a pink rose- yay!) chocolate and raspberry.... the next day we went up to Loanstar for bluegrass and BBQ. Endless music (the lady with the accordion was amazing- she even yodeled), lots of good pictures of old stuff, I got to sit in the sun and paint and listen to bluegrass and Charles and Barbie talking to everyone around us. Mr. Thomas is like me- a good listener and observer- Barbie and Charles never met a stranger and become instant 'life of the party types'. They were cutting up so hard at dinner that Barbie's friend Sue could hardly eat for laughing.... we all had a blast. Sunday we headed back early- the AC in the car is on the fritz- but still stopped at a few yard sales (nothing), I talked the manz into looking at an abandoned house with me, and we found a lovely abandoned train car. It is in Conway, and is a passenger coach on the Louisville and Nashville lines. High ceilings, wooden cabinets, lovely milk-glass light fixtures (only one remained the rest had been smashed by vandals- shame). While I love abandoned things, I hate to see them go to waste- especially something so graceful as this- big enough for a store, or to live in, or a diner- or........ it could have another life. Then we visited the elephant (the abandoned one I found years ago and am still trying to figure out how to acquire), and headed home with our cargo of plants. Tom loaded us up with all sorts of things, including beautiful lacetop hydrangeas.

Memorial day itself was quiet- Charles was supposed to work but that had been changed (they didn't call! we could of stayed an extra day! boohiss!) so we all took it easy and watched tv all day. (I took lots of naps) I remember other Memorial Days though, how we would prepare by sprucing up the cemetery plot at Grandview, I would ride my bike or march with Girl scouts in the parade down Luzerne street to Grandview (funny, lots of things centered around that cemetery- maybe that's why I like them so very much). We would have cookouts and invite Old Mr. Benson next door- Karen and I would make him desserts and Daddy always grilled burgers, had homemade potato salad. Every house had a flag, all the bikes had streamers and we would play badminton until dark. The first fireflies would come out, school would be over and the long summer would begin. Hello summer, I'm ready!