Woodcut- I don't know the artist, but I love it!
I want to take a nap, I want to write, I need to go to Walmart, grade online kids, do laundry and chores and grad school work and- importantly- get the presentation done for the conference. (Despite the best of intentions, Melissa and I tend to wait to the last second...but that's ok.) But- my eyes are heavy, I am thick minded, I forget to drink my coffee and all I can think about is my nice warm bed. I have been up for not quite two hours, after sleeping for 12. This, my friends, is what my doctors think might be Narcolepsy. It's horrid- sleepwalking through life like a drunken zombie most of the time, interspersed with mind-racing- less than half an hour ago I was full of ideas, energy, plans- felt like I could do it all and then some. Now? not so much.
I finally switched doctors, to one recommended by Dr. Mike- and she is amazingly on-task. Within a week of seeing her, she magically got my insurance to approve a CT scan, comprehensive labs and a sleep study- all of which were noodled around before with excuses of 'oh, your just: stressed, tired, depressed, fat, hormonal etc'. Which is good in a way, because we eliminated those things fair much- stressed? of course I am, but that is a given of having a career. Tired? It is *not* a problem of not getting time to sleep.... Depressed? No. Fat? Yes, and for the moment I don't have the energy to go back to working on it- but it is not hugemongous and the weight has been constant (more or less) for years. Hormonal? Nope. Ruled that out. Tried exercise, light exposure, cutting out caffeine, adding more caffeine, taking vitamins, eating high protein low carbs, high carbs low protein, no sugar, extra sugar....bla bla bla. I can sleep instantly, anywhere. I dream instantly and in full color/sound/taste (last night it was homemade cinnamon clove marshmallows which were amazing and should be invented post haste)/ texture...everything. And I always remember them well enough to write them down or recount them in detail. I can sleep for a very, very long time if left undisturbed. If I am denied sleep, I get really irritable very quickly, can't think or function- it is like walking through mud and everything takes so very long to do.... I force myself through school, am constantly drawing/writing/moving all the time to stay awake. The second I *stop* doing something, I go down. (Something also includes eating... I don't eat so much out of hunger or even appetite, but just to stay awake). Hopefully- with the tests and the new doctor- and I know nothing will happen soon, for while I have had the CT scan and the lab work, the sleep study isn't until Nov 12, and some of the labs won't be back for 6 weeks. I see the Dr. again in December, and hopefully there will be some sort of solution suggested- in the meanwhile, I will work/sleep/work/sleep etc. and make the best of it.
Other than that (and sorry I was whining about that- I hate being the broken record of 'I'm tired'....) everything is going well. Grendel is hopefully headed for a new larger apartment with a roommate in a better complex- it is just a matter of slogging through the application process, getting approved then relocating. He has worked at the book store for over a year now, lived in his own apartment for even longer, and will someday- hopefully- finish school. He works hard at it- at everything and I am proud of him.
My famous Mr. Owens had his TV debut on Revolution- while in the background, he is seen- and hopefully will be used again in the show. He spent two weeks in Atlanta filming for Idiom, and was fantastic- This week we got a call from New York about doing a demo/application tape for a show like Oddities- they were looking for hosts for a show about people traveling around and buying/selling strange stuff and visiting strange places. Somehow they got his contact information, and we made the tape- fingers crossed. This weekend he is off to Charlotte on Sunday to be in "It's Supernatural", which is a reenactment series done by the Inspiration Network (which used to be the old PTL network). He is sure to get 'facetime' in this one- and maybe even that elusive line! We keep submitting for everything that comes along- hopefully he will be selected for lots and lots of other projects! He has definitely discovered his calling- or at least one of them.
So- today- today I am like the fox in the woods. I have lots to do, but also need to be clever, work smarter not harder, get things done when I am awake and sleep when I can't stand it anymore. There is a storm supposedly coming in, and I want to get to the store for things- then the nap, and the work. Keep it calm and carry on- I remember when Mother sent me those words long before they became a popular fad- now you see them everywhere, but they are still true. And still good advice.
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