Midsummer's Dreams

Midsummer brings dreams, even though by our calendar we count the solstice as 'first day of summer', it is the longest day- midpoint of the year.  Tomorrow.  First week into summer vacation and I have done the usual- cleaned, worked in the yarden, a wee bit of writing, lots of online work, smattering of art, devoured four books and am well into the fifth, have become suddenly obsessed with circuses and gourds- and tangled with the demons of time and sleep.  Time because I am aware and not aware at once- the days vanish quickly, though I do not usually know what day of the week it is, or the hour- I just turn around and the day is gone. Which creates a feeling of semipanic that I am either 'wasting' my summer - either by drifting along unaware, or by obsessing so about it passing that I do not enjoy it......or not getting things done.  I have a hard time anchoring in the moment- either it passes unnoticed or I worry about what is coming, what needs done.  Sleeping- I am much, much less stressed now, attitude improved tenfold, but the sleeping hasn't changed- more if anything. Ten hours a night- usually now from 8 to 6- plus at least one nap of an hour or so during the day.  Despite the new medicine (which does make me more 'awake' and productive during the day- clearer), despite cutting out sugar and bread and trying to get out and move around more.  Sleeping, full of strange midsummer's dreams.

I always dream, always remember them.  I know their symbols, pacing and meaning for the most part.  Strangely enough, my dreams have changed now- and the relaxation I feel during the day is twisted into strange anxieties in the dreams.  Nightly I have to take a test or turn in a paper that I haven't done- a fear of being not only unprepared but *unaware* that my performance is to be evaluated. Panic, stress.  At the same time, I dream of uncovering treasures- one of my positive signs that I am learning, that I am feeling ok.  I dream of the houses- the one on Luzerne Street Extension most frequently, sometimes Headacher or the Green House in Sugar Grove.  I am often dreaming of our little gray house by the sea, and either moving back there, or having to move out. Always fixing up, tearing down, parents away- soon to return- have to get things ready, cleaned up.  Or, in the case of the Grey house, in order for the landlord.  What does this mean?  A need to mentally 'get my house in order'?  Another version of the evaluation dream, but this with a chance to prepare?  I dream of dogs- our dogs from years past- slipping out of the house, and the worry trying to chase them down, bring them back to where they belong.  I dream of students of long ago, my first years teaching, students who are now adults.  They are adults in my dreams and I meet them with their families.  One student in particular I dream of with twins- she does not have twins in real life, only one son, but lately she appears with twins.  Always happy, always they are dressed for the spontaneous holidays of childhood, mischievous three-year-olds with glow sticks and light up shoes.

I dream of the 'old people'- Auntie Lou has been the star lately, which is odd.  Usually Granny Wrye stops by for visits, but right now it has been Auntie Lou and the hot summer dust of her parlor, listening to baseball on the radio.  Sounds of street traffic and the curious way that a house can be surrounded by noise but silent all the same.  I dream of my dad lots- and my mother- time travel dreams back to other times, places.  Again the houses.

Then- I also have these strange action-adventure dreams, which are rather fun in a stressful way.  One night it was about zombies- but not the typical zombie dream.  This time *some* of the zombies were good zombies- sentient- and I was working with others to save them (for some reason- not sure why?) from those who sported on shooting up zombies for fun.  The dream involved lots of running, hiding in barns, playing dead, gourds (yeah- I know) and dogs.  The dogs were the comic relief- our 'friends' except I remember clearly one of the good zombies explaining how hard it was to play dead when a dog was nibbling on your leg because that tickled.

And so it goes- sleeping into summer.  I am trying to go with the flow, and promise not to write so much about my dreams- like most dreams, they are interesting to the dreamer and boring/confusing to everyone else.  But the dreams of midsummer are magical, and sometimes revel things that need to be known.  Like the unexpected laughter of zombies.