Skinny Jeans Suck.
So yesterday was 'spend-money-day'. We started off with a set of badly needed new tires for the car- brand new tires- and that was the bulk of the money. When Mr. Owens returned home, I set off to carry the monster off to get his car back from the mechanic, mail the go-around sketchbook, and do a few other errands. I managed to get the clean art rags back to school, never did mail the book- the car was successfully repaired and driven off happily into the sunset. I now had a free afternoon in the city- and Mr. Owens encouraging me to 'take some time for yourself- have girl fun', and off I went.
My plans were basic- perhaps a new book at the bookstore. A new belt for Mr. Owens, and a cd for Owl for Father's day. Easy.
World market was first- one of my all time favorite stores ever since Sister Sue took me to one in Texas. Contented browsing, free tea, a really bright cool shopping bag with Mermaids on it...and a sale on shower curtains. Now, I have always been a white-bathroom person for the most part. I have painted the windows, and Grendel's bathroom had a boy-friendly bright fish shower curtain in the grey house, but basically white-is-right. The bathroom at Tanglewood (which is the project-that-will-never-end) is mostly white-ish, different shades, which fit with the cottage look of it. Clear glass bottles, a few paintings, Einstein. When our last (white) shower curtain wore out, Mr. Owens bought a practical-sensible heavy clear curtain that has lots of reinforced pockets for bath-stuff. While that solved the problem of side of tub overflow, our narsty water has quickly stained it....uck. What to do? A cover-up cloth curtain for the outside of the tub seemed ideal, but I was not fond of the Walmart choices, the price, and .... well.....nothing suited. Back to the World Market story- shower curtains on sale. REALLY on sale. I looked at the tame ones, then somehow ended up with a wild Indian print that has every color of the rainbow and that will make my gypsy-bathroom dreams come true!
Barnes and Nobles? Easy peasy. New Stephen King book (Joyland). Found a treat for Ms. Ball. Ran into Mr. Flowers from Topsail, considerable amount of school chat ensued. During this time something odd happened- it happens every summer around vacation time, but it did take me unawares...... the desire to 'get something new for going-to-Texas'.
For years and years I have relied on dresses and skirts- comfy,easy, love them. Last year I saw a not-so-flattering photo of me in one of my then favorites....I immediately vowed to lose weight, get rid of my tummy...yeah, like that happened. Not. So I still wear them...but am a bit self conscious. Figured though that since I was looking for a belt for Mr. Owens, I would go check out the sales at Mayfaire. (Non-locals, this is the 'upscale' shopping place that is also home to World Market/ B&N). Wandered into Coldwater Creek, nice stuff, but costs more than the tires. Went to Belk- beautiful women's clothes on sale, including some awesome Indian-print (still on the shower-curtain groove) dresses and skirts.... but 'on sale' is relative. And the belts? Well....yeah. Nope. Tried to go to Kohls, but got lost in traffic...ended up at Old Navy, where of course I bought a sweater. Then headed over to Target, figuring that I could kill all three birds with one stone.
Oh the deception of Target! Racks of tempting things on sale, I quickly scooped up no less than five pairs of pants- despite the very confusing sizing (Fits 1,2,3,4,5,6 in American sizes- the fits are cuts, not sizes- until you get to the 'fat lady clothes' where the sizing pretends to be European or something to make us feel better. As in 'Oh, I wear a size 6 in FLC'). Ok- pair one. A nice gray....good start....then AWK. Should of been labeled 'extreme sausage style'. Fits tight, tight, tight at the bottom, up the legs, then- once the butt is sort of wedged in- all extraneous fat is pushed up, out and over the top. Not a good look. Quickly started checking, trying on and discarding the rest of the pants. No matter the 'fit', or the 'especially for curvy girls'- they all had skinny, skinny legs....and while the curvy girl styles did cover the butt without causing a fatalanche, I still had the sexy silhouette of a blowpop. Not attractive. Well- I lie- this look *does* work on: Charles's sisters and Movie Wife, all of whom are tall no-butt types, teen age girls who are still in the skinny stage, and the girls from Maple Hill- not small by a long shot, but they make it work and twerk their way to stardom. But me? No. The world is not safe.
Let me rant on the other clothes for a moment: I am no fashion maven, and 'style and trend' is fine for some- but can't the rest of us please have some plain choices? Seriously- there were pants in every color, which is good. A variety of cuts to fit body shapes- even better. But Skinny cuts? Seriously? And the plethora of tie-dyed pastels, flower prints, polka-dots etc...... again, kinda fun, good for some, but people would think I was a couch. Dresses- lots of dresses, beautiful dresses, even dresses in the right colors *except* HORIZONTAL STRIPES. If not totally striped, lets put a strange big horizontal stripe in some sort of 80's neon color right across your tummy or butt. Now *that's* attractive. Oh- let's make the whole thing either strapless or spaghetti strapped. Which means you have the choice of either going braless and looking like you are either an earth-mother throwback or shopping at Walmart in Wallace......or wearing a strapless bra which is a device made by Satan to ruin the whole theory of 'comfortable summer dress'. T-shirts? A safe choice, until you realize that the perfect shirt in the perfect color is either bedazzled within an inch of its life, features an age-inappropriate cartoon character, has weird cutouts or itchy lace, or...wait for it...says "Twerk Team" on the back. Yes, that does exist. (If you don't know what 'twerking' is- it is a dance that involves bouncing your booty up and down while twisting/squatting/bowing....rather....uh...well, let's just say that it is not something *my* body is capable of doing, or would look attractive doing. Leave it at that.)
OH- and there are no men's belts at Target. I didn't have the energy to look for cd's.
I did finally end up at my home Walmart, where belts were located as well as- low and behold- a pair of dark jeans and a pair of short jeans existed that were *not* skinny, not expensive and actually fit. I guess that I have found my fashion niche.......
Keep calm and Twerk On.
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