This photo is a product of waiting in line at the McDonald's drive about while on one of the summer institutes- I was waiting patiently for my chocolate dip cone and thought this sign a bit humorous. It also turned out to be rather portentous, as this summer has been like a road trip where you might be required to switch lanes at any moment, without much warning.
At the start of summer, I applied for the Raleigh Job on a whim- the whole "I don't think I'd ever be considered, but they asked me, so what the heck, I'll give it a go at the last possible second". And then the trickle of excitement began, the 'what if's', the worry and the thinking, but it was still just a distant possibility and I didn't dwell on it all that much. Then I got the call for the first interview, which required preparation- I dug out my resume and turned it into a cv, bought a grown up dress and shoes, networked around- and began to imagine the 'what ifs'. I was still a bit larky about it though, and the first interview was fun and easy, and I left on the top of the world feeling that all things were possible. Later, I got the call back for the second interview- which required more polishing, another dress (which doesn't matter but it does) and a last minute print out of a presentation. (They called late afternoon before the interview, and just said 'bring two hard copies of a presentation'. Not which presentation, or back up notes, or the preparatory design files, just the presentation. So I brought my presentation slides printed out, an overview plan of presentations for staff development for the year, and a copy of a full workup instructional design for part 3 of the first series. This required focused stress, trying to get links to work, and a very expensive midnight trip to Walmart for printing ink.... Mr. Owens kept me calm the whole way through, drove me to Walmart and made sure that I was as good to go as possible. Hooray for Mr. Owens!). Anyway, the second interview was much more challenging, the questions difficult but interesting, and I wasn't quite on mark the way I usually am. I did do what I could though, tried my best and wrote some fair incredible thank-you notes. I could blame other things for the interview faults- I was up to late buying ink and up to early printing, I left home late and had to rush to be there on time, it was pouring rain like mad the whole way there which made driving tricky, my hair a hot mess (note to self: hair-hold is *not* a good idea for curly hair, especially in humid conditions, even if it is made for it. It just turns into a frizzy, staticy mess that leaves me looking like the guy in room 222), and with 'thick ears' from the barometric pressure.... oh, and I forgot to take my Ritalin with me, so I was a bit distracted.....but those are just conditions, things that happen despite our best intentions, things that are out of our control. I did what I did, I know that I could do well at this job but that I have quite a bit to learn. Right this morning I am not feeling all that confident, but you never know- and I am both dreaming about a new start (always loved new starts), the quiet quiet quiet environment to work in (it is amazing what a difference that would make to me), the opportunity to reinvent part of myself to 'career professional self'. It's like playing 'grown-up' with a nice gray cubicle to decorate, a chance to dress up, and an environment focused on work instead of behavior.... but at the same time, I am thinking about the school year, about projects and students and paint, about all the things I can do and make and create, the absolute fun of the high school where yes, I do have to put up with a lot of crap and responsibilities that are annoying (other job has them as well, but I *wouldn't* have to do gate duty, monitor the bathrooms or tell people to take that out of their mouth because it is a tool not a toy and certainly something that wasn't meant to be chewed on.... and I doubt that anyone at dpi spends their spare time doodling pot leaves, penises and gang symbols. Or tells everyone in explicit detail what they did with their date last night...)
Anyhoo, point is that I could turn in either direction now and be ok with it. If I get the new job, I am going to be excited, proud, thrilled and scared to death. I will have to change in many ways at once, but I'm good at that....I will also be sad to leave the kids, the classroom, the wild abandon where I can paint all day if I feel like it, have people tell me they love me daily and mean it, where I am making hands-on differences- even if they are small ones. If I don't get the new job, I won't lie- I will be disappointed.... but truthfully, a bit relieved. The job I have now I love, it is stable and safe, I can be myself and rule my part of the roost. We won't have to move, or change the way I dress (except I rather enjoyed the new dresses- but they are *not* suitable to wear to school! But I will look awesome at weddings and funerals) and I can continue on doing what I do, which is pretty cool. Still and all I wish they would make up their minds and let me know- I am getting on with things but even so, I am trying now to get on with preparing for *four* things (school, teaching, virtual school, and new job).... its a bit like dating: step 1: humm.... looks interesting, may not be interested, ok why not, let's hang out. step 2: first real date- dressing up, going out, aiming for the best impression. step 3: meet the folks- ok, you like me, but do I fit in? Is this going to be a serious relationship or are we going to be 'just friends'...... I am waiting for the engagement or breakup, which ever comes next. (Either way, an ice-cream celebration/condolences will be called for-)
My beloved manz is also exploring new roads, and they are following a similar direction. I submitted him as a movie extra on a whim, just because it was advertised, it looked kinda fun and he loves movies so much I thought he'd get a kick out of it. He was surprised when he was called- later we found out on Tona's (the casting agent) that over 20,000 people had applied for extras in the film...(of course that is all locations, but some of these people who are extras travel quite a bit for even a day). He worked all week last week, and was called back for this Monday, and is on stand by for the rest of the week. The movie folks (makeup, hair, codirectors, other actors) love his look, his positive attitude, friendliness and willingness to help out and be coachable. On set he is fun, easy-going, practical sensible and dependable, while not demanding to be a 'diva' (apparently there are extras that are difficult, demanding, whiny) but doing his job and doing it well. I always knew that he has a great amount of talent and creativity, and this is an area where it shines. No speaking lines yet, but he has done a bit of improv that they liked, and even some of the 'big stars' (can't name names, we are not allowed) were friendly with him. His phone has been ringing, we went to the mall and he was recognized from the set, and there is a world of opportunity ahead. He submitted for another major movie and was selected again (different casting company, different movie studio)- tonight he will be filming in downtown Wilmington, in a specific extra role- hopefully may upgrade to a speaking part. We know that is all may just be a flash- but he loves it, I am so proud of him, and you never know- things happen. The key to it all I suppose is just finding joy in the journey~ and right now we are both having a ball!
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