An Alter Ego~

Hilda by Duane Bryers

Finally a pin-up girl I can identify with!  I discovered the old Hilda pinups, and I like her- she is not small, cheerful, beautiful, goofy and a redhead.  Of course, I won't be trapsing about the world with only a bikini made of flowers (she tends to like those) or wear slippers-with-heels when handwashing (!) my long johns...but still, it is reassuring that other people find this attractive.

I fret about my weight constantly, and I do try- but then again, when I am feeling stressed I turn to food. (which is better than some other things- at least food is legal, cheap and does the job).  I know that I will never be skinny- but I don't want to get any bigger- just back down to a comfortable Hilda-esh size.  And to shape things up a bit.  Of course, I would like to have a magic solution to get there- because I love food and dislike exercise- but that's not going to happen so I have to do the work.  Eat less, cut out snacks, walk more blah,blah,blah.  My friend Donna, the band teacher, is doing the Dukan diet, which is Atkinsish...mostly meat. I could do that but.... meat is expensive.  And I'm lazy. Or something.  Or unmotivated.  When I talk to Dr. Lori, or my new therapist (hum... Dr Penland? Mike-the-Shrink? what am I going to call him?)  they agree that I should lose some weight to be healthy, and that it would help the self-esteem, but at the same time they both use the phrase "you have enough on your plate"  meaning that I have enough things to work on and stress about that I don't need this on the front burner right now.   And they are right, but I also don't need to put more of the weight on, and that calls for awareness and moderation.

So what I am going to do is what I do best- think about it, make some art about it- that helps me to reflect- figure out what I really want to do and how I am going to get there.  I tend to have the world-view habit of letting things go then trying to fix everything at once...and that is not practical-sensible-doable.  One thing at a time, one thing at a time, and in the meanwhile, I'll think about Hilda.