Curiosity

Shelf in studio with Sea Turtle skull

I should have my own museum, or, at very least, cabinet of curiosities.  Actually I suppose our whole house, and my office and classroom, would qualify as the later- our decorating style is 'early eclectic' with a combination of old things, lots of books, oddities and folk art- with my art stuff tossed in for good measure.  It is all the strange things I love, things that inspire thoughts and stories and the imagination.  So that visitors- in my mind- would ponder, and wonder, and think about all these curious things.  Become curious- I think that is my hidden mission in life, to wake up people's curiosity.   For me, that is even more important than creativity~ if I ever stop being curious about things then, my friend, then you know something is terribly wrong.

I found this turtle skull at a thrift store out in the country in Rocky Point- I was going with Donna to pick up some things at the middle school, and she spotted a table for her new house.  The skull was on a top shelf, the guy only wanted $5 for it- and Donna lent me the money without question.  (Hooray for friends that understand!)  Of course, it is not exactly within the law to sell skulls of endangered creatures- but the fellow had no clear idea of what it was, it had been hanging out forever, and such a find~  I do have a whole skeleton (minus the skull) that I found on the beach up at Corolla long ago- but that is a green turtle and this (I am fair certain) is a Loggerhead.  Oddly enough, shortly afterwards Mr. Owens started exploring our driveway and found not one, but two, small fossilized turtle heads. We must be receiving some message or blessing from the turtles of the world~ synchronicity of this nature is rarely by chance.

And so, time for a confession and a releasing of guilt.  Which is a different subject entirely, but I am stressing about it so here goes.  Because of my job, I am asked to do quite allot of things at school.  Big things, small things, important things and trivial-but-needed things.  Every year I expect band backdrops, homecoming, prom, graduation, springfest.... at the very least.  Then people ask me to do things for other events, and being a human pushover, I usually agree...then promptly forget, or put it off, or live in a state of denial because I really don't want to do it.  So, long story short, the ROTC has formal inspection today, and asked forever ago if we could do an art show in the library, have jugglers from theater, have the band play.... the food classes are cooking lunch, tables are set up, everything all spit and polish.   Of course, I forgot to tell my kids about the art show, and when I did- before I was gone for most of last week- they didn't do anything.  Which really isn't their fault, because I didn't make it a priority.  So no art for the show, save one drawing with a patriotic theme from long ago  (I do have a host of social-awareness art with political themes, but they are not the most..... ah....  suitable in message).   And LC has no jugglers, or one act play, or anything.  Donna does have the band ready to play some of their Spring music... and I feel so guilty for not having our bells and whistles in a row.  And no centerpieces either.  And when I feel guilty, I get uber cranky and tired- I just want to sleep and avoid everything (I am sleepy as I write, despite the coffee and morning meds)- I just want to fast forward through this day with my head hung in shame of not-being-perfect.  But you know what?  I get tired.  And some things I just don't want to do- I want to do *my* stuff instead.  Which is selfish, I know, but.... it would be nice sometimes if I had the backbone to just say 'No, that is not what I'm good at.'

So- a list- I am NOT good at: art shows, social events (attending, creating, organizing, even supporting- this is a nightmare), the press/media, lettering on posters (I can't spell and I dislike doing lettering), measuring and cutting things in straight lines, being the behavior police (at lunch, in halls, as a chaperon etc.), going on field trips (I get bus sick, and would rather go by myself ), selling things/fund raising, faculty get-togethers (which seem to always involve bowling, or baby showers or green church punch)... bleah.

What I am GOOD at, LOVE to do, and will put effort into:  writing, research, curriculum, teaching, making things, painting, technology, speaking in public, teaching workshops, talking to students, organizing physical spaces, attending workshops, volunteering for committees- as long as I am behind the scenes and not in charge of the fuzzy part of them-, thinking, solving problems creatively, coming up with ideas... working independently or in small groups... creating unexpected surprises and spontaneous activities. 

Now, how to get others to realize these things?  How do I learn how to say no, that isn't what I'm good at, but I will gladly do x?  And, importantly, say no without wringing myself out with guilt and stress... or say yes when I mean no, then hate the whole project.  This I think is a question for Dr. Mike~  and I'm thinking that I am at a position in my career/life where I am secure enough to be honest in this way- I just need to find the most politic way to do it.  And in the meantime, I will be spending the day hiding from JROTC and painting prom backdrops.... atonement for my sins of neglect.