Light, NCMA
Yesterday adventure to Raleigh and the North Carolina Museum of Art where I am part of a 'think tank' for their new Art of Photography class which I will (hopefully) be able to teach online this fall. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm- St. Patricks Day- and we sat in the atrium meeting area downstairs to work. The think tank was well organized and not a minute was wasted or dull- which is quite a challenge- we all stayed on task all the way to the end- including working right through lunch. Which was thoughtfully provided- food at events like this tends to run from horrible (at DPI in Raleigh where they litterally gave us a loaf of white bread, bologna and mayo and told us to make our own sandwiches if we were hungry- and they had bottles of warm water) to elegant (at NCCAT where we had food prepared by the culinary students and glasses of local wine). This food was very St. Patrick's day themed- fruit kabobs in the morning, with coffee (unfortunately bad- or maybe I have become the ultimate coffee snob, only liking my beloved Mexican Expresso)... the boxed lunch was a wrap (in honor of the day, corned beef and vinegar slaw on a spinach tortilla), an apple, a wonderfully soft huge oatmeal cookie with lots of raisins (my favorite cookie)... afternoon we had homemade brownies with mint chips and just a taste of Bailey's to them- cold water, soda and juice endlessly all day. (There were also snackables all day- pretzels dipped in white chocolate with green sugar dust, sea salt chips, sugar cookies, popcorn with nuts- I was good and avoided these, though I *did* eat my cookie and a brownie).... and, as usual, I have spent time focusing on the food first. My addiction.
The museum itself is lovely- surrounded by the largest museum park in the country with outside sculptures, a walking/biking trail, even a dog park. We were there to work though, so we stayed in our area with computers, papers and our snacks, with only one brief foray into the upper museum to view the photography exhibit and hear one of the photographers speak. (I like him- he was working in a pharmacy in New Jersey and being a self-taught photographer who ended up working on the Ellis Island project- documenting it before renovation. Afterwards, he quit his job and moved to Raleigh with no money, no place to stay, no local connections because a friend said 'you look like someone who would be comfortable in NC'....and, after a bit of a struggle, he was. He was well over 40 back then- foolish or brave? Can't say, but it worked out obviously). Lots accomplished, lots to do still for the teaching part- but it was fun, if a bit intimidating.
I get intimidated by art museums- no lie, I don't care for them much- not because I don't like the art or am inspired by it, but just because I get to feeling all 'why didn't I do this? How did I miss this boat? Here is a person much younger than I am already in a major exhibit, in a major museum...how does that happen? Puzzled....and, admittedly, a bit angry at not knowing the keys to that kingdom. And not sure why it is important- or what my role is as an artist.
I've always made art, it is my response to things (along with collecting and sometimes writing). I've been in shows, won shows, been collected...but I still feel like I am not *that kind of artist*. I make things out of obsession and impulse, and because that is what I do- I am to lazy/scared/intimidated to market myself, or even begin to- and I really dislike working on commission. And while I daydream sometimes of a life just making art, truth be told I don't think I could do it. The stress of having to sell is immense, and being the support that would kill me in itself. Even if it wasn't a problem, there is to much of a good thing, and I think that without some other kind of interaction that the mojo would dry up. I get my best ideas when I am overly busy and thinking of a million different things- that is what builds connections- if I just have time to think about one thing, I dry up like a bone. Same goes for school, research, teaching etc...I need lots of stimulation to be productive at my best. So I am not that kind of artist- and that is ok. I am my kind of artist, who someday will leave behind suitcases full of work (that is where I stow everything- in old suitcases) and sketchbook after sketchbook, thousands of photos saved in hardrives. Either someone will want it all or not, and it will become trash or treasure or something else- but I know I've left some kind of mark behind with all this making.
No comments:
Post a Comment