First Rose of Summer

The first rose of summer- (yes, I know it is not really summer yet, but I am on the slip side of school so I am beginning summer for me!)- one of the Jacob Coat's I brought back from Texas a few years ago as a present to the manz.  Just a humble little plant bought on the roadside up by Tyler, but it - along with the other rose- are beautiful, healthy, bloom-all-summer-into-fall types.  I love roses, the different colors of flame in this one, the cool lavenders, the wild tumble of red outside the kitchen window.  We have tiny pink wild roses in the back by the tangle, red ramblers along part of the ditch, stray yellows here and there through out the yard.  There were some pinks and peace roses in the tangle- but I haven't braved it recently so I don't know what state they are in.  It doesn't matter- a rose does not need to be seen to be a rose.

I am finished with my ECU projects, the last Live Class for the virtual school, the last county arts meeting, prom.  All that is left is grading, Springfest and Graduation... it's time to relax, write, regroup, paint, hold hands with my beloved.... and I admit, right now today I am exhausted.  I could so crawl back into bed- even my lips hurt (dry- was so busy with things yesterday that I didn't drink all day or eat except for a small bunch of grapes- ugh- dry to the bone).  I've been drinking my lemon tea all morning, and coffee, and the tired is easing a bit but I would just about kill to stay home and curl up in my bed for a few hours.  Followed by some serious time sitting in my chair reading and watching tv, just playing in my sketchbook, napping- but I skipped school Monday to get all the work done for ECU/NCVPS- so no more skipping school for me this year.... That's ok, I just wish I could wake up.

Have to go see Dr. Mike today- forgot I had an appointment until this morning, but it is already paid for- I just need to summon the gas to get to the city. It does help me cope and figure out things- especially stress and overworking wise- but right now I'd rather have a nap.  You know, it's funny and annoying and ironic and a pain in the butt altogether, but ECU had put me on academic probation (of all things!) because I have taken *TO MANY CLASSES WITHOUT GRADUATING*.  I explained to them, in my best patient teacher voice, that a) this is *not* the same degree,  b) in addition to the MAED in IT, I am getting my administrative certificate for online and c) I've actually taken *less* classes than required by the degree because of credit given for other things.  Not to mention that I haven't made less than an A in a class since...let's see....1992? Not bragging, annoying. But anyway, must play their game and that includes, for us graduate students on academic probation, the following: getting life counseling (thus Dr. Mike- he signs off on the semester work today, which is why I have to go), treatment for learning disorders (thus the Ritalin for ADD, which actually is a god-send.  It helps me to focus intensely- if I had this long ago, if they *knew* about ADD long ago, I would rule the world by now.), and... positive reinforcement from professors.  The positive reinforcement comes in an email- it is an automatic email when the professor enters a grade- for my grades, I get a message like "outstanding job! keep up the good work! You are improving rapidly!"- the equivalent of an electronic gold star.  I was flattered the first time (I didn't know what it was)- but then quickly realized that it is automated, and....weird.  It makes me feel invisible.

The invisibility comes from doing a good job- I am a good student, a good teacher, a good leader, a scholar and artist, but I feel that no one ever *looks* at what I am/do workwise. (Not talking about family, friends, students and most of all the manz- you are my cheering section!) but officials.  We spend an awful lot of time on paperwork evaluations and jumping through hoops at all three of my schools- but no one ever actually seems to sit down and *read* the paperwork.  Take the time to say- oh hey, I see you were part of this- tell me about it!  I'm not saying that I want professional praise (though that would be awesome, especially if it came in the form of money) just professional recognition.  To look beyond the paper formula to the person, and acknowledge what I can do (and also what I can't do.  Which reminds me- today is cafeteria duty which is pure noisy torture. hopefully it will be warm and sunny and the kids will go outside).  I don't know, maybe I'm just whiny, maybe I'm just tired.  I hate sounding negative, and I'm not a negative person- but I am one tired gal right now.

SO, enough of that.  It is time for coffee and almonds (I am hooked on eating almonds for breakfast.  Have discovered my inner squirrel) and the summoning of positive thoughts.  Time to take a walkaround, enjoy my morning studio with the doggs snoring and birds singing, time to smell the roses.