I fell off the face of the world again for a few days- and with no particular reason or cause. Sometimes this happens with me when I get a break, and I can't quite explain it. I get so excited about all the time that I will have- my mind fills up with plans and intentions and creative thoughts and endless 'to-dos'....and when the time comes, I fall. I just stall out, get distracted, sleep excessively- not normal sleep, but deep multihour naps (which is, I suppose, normal for me) with vivid dreams and which I have difficulty operating if I am awakened. I need to wake myself up, or reality is all twisted (the other day Mr. Owens woke me up to ask a question- I wouldn't give him an answer until I found my shoes).... strange. I don't know why this is, Dr. Mike doesn't know why this is, Dr. Lori doesn't know why this is- the manz says it is because I need the rest- I go on forever and then just crash, which may be partly true. The thing about it though is that this *always* happens despite my best intentions, and then I get all stressed and angry at myself for wasting so much time- which puts me into the situation of counting the hours until break ends, and creating a pressure cooker environment for myself, which is unproductive, stresses me out and makes me depressed. I need to figure a way out of this.
But the dreams are so lovely- even when they are disturbing or scary- I've started putting them on pintrest, just a key image remembered with some jotted text. I'm looking for trends and patterns, I know my dreams well- just curious about how they line up with my life and actions. I'm always curious.
On the plus side of spring break, I have graded all the work for the virtual school, attempted to work on things for ECU, semi-cleaned the studio and got to spend a day in the city with the boy. We went to Japanese for lunch, Walmart for his meds and groceries, the Hunger Games (which is a much, much better movie than I expected. The filming is well done and the story is accurate without falling into the Twilight trap), I saw Dr. Mike then went to Staples to spend my gift card from school. (Multiple boxes of my magic black pens, and sharpies were on sale- the colors, in packs. I need some white shoes to decorate)... fun. And home has been pleasant, Mr. Owens spoiling me by letting me nap and doing all the house work, we have been out working together in the yarden where all the flowers he planted are taking off and growing like mad. Watching shows together- Ugly Betty, Fact or Faked, Crossing Jordan- shows that I don't have to think about, that are entertaining and give me room to draw. I've been drawing and painting in my sketchbook, but not on the Time Travel book that is due soon, or working on school things, or....any of the creative projects I intended. Is that ok? It doesn't feel ok- I am worried now about getting things done, making myself focus, cracking the whip and putting the nose to the grindstone. And that is the plan for today- I'm actually feeling a bit focused and it is supposed to rain (removing the temptation of outside).
I need to center myself and move along. Wish me well.
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