Boundaries

Why I needed that steak~ This past week has been a rocky one. Brought Grendel back from school, so week of boys. Lost Jezebelle, launched the boy at the airport into his Arizona adventure. The anticipation of Melissa's visit and the 'auction extravaganza' of today. Excitement, happiness, joy, sorrow. Lot's going on- and I wasn't at school Wednesday and most of Thursday. (And when I was at school, I was in a meeting and not in classes).... so... this means that the kids have had a sub for 3 days. And when the King's away the kids will play (and act dumb and sneak off and do other assorted naughty things).

I love teaching. Love, love, love it. I *HATE* having to control people. hate it, hate it, hate it. Anarchist at heart, I just want everyone to be self responsible and do what they are supposed to without me having to be 'mean'. I keep trying, but it never quite works....so...boundaries.

Big chat with the classes yesterday, re-wrote the syllabus, set firm goals: if you do this (80% passing on pretest) you get *this* (ability to do a project instead of review) if you do this (90% passing midterm) you get *this* (a privilege set back). If you are late to class today, I will be at your previous class tomorrow when the bell rings and escort you to my class so that you will be on time. If my fat ass can make it across the school and up and down the stairs and to the bathroom in five minutes, so can you. Point taken. Large, clear fences.

Yesterday went well, and a tightening of structure can be a good thing. Rather like what I've learned with the electric fence experience- without the fence, the dogs had to be tied out. They were bound with limited movement and forever getting tangled. When they broke the tie, or ninja'ed their way free, they were off into the sunset, running wild, impossible to catch. It put them in danger and me in a foul mood. With the electric fence, they tested it at first. Max became scared for a bit, but then they discovered that as long as they stay in their boundaries, they have freedom. Freedom to run around, hide in bushes, sleep on the well cover, dig hugemongous holes, chase butterflies, do dogg stuff. They are safe and happy and free but protected. Someday the boundary lines will go away and they won't even notice because they will be dogg-responsible.

I had to learn this to. I am a boundary-breaker from way back, and I'm good at it. I'm not talking illegal things, but just normal rules, social expectations and the like. Tell me I *have* to do something and I run the other way. The more you tell me, the further I go, the more stubborn I get. I don't handle criticism well, it makes me hurt and angry, I fight then I flee- I'm a bad dogg.... but- I'm dogg-responsible. I learned that if I set my own boundaries, my own set of rules for myself and adhere to them, that I am not stressed and I am therefore free. I can run around, go to auctions, eat steak, have adventures, dig big muddy holes (well, not really), do what I want- as long as I'm responsible for myself and my actions. I'm dogg-responsible!