Beloved Nonsense

Silly. Just plain silly- the kids got me back. My intern Robbie (the tall mannequin) told me before class that DeShields (our secretary) needed to see me right away. I headed in that direction and she was standing- arms crossed and very serious looking- in the hall with Dr. Sullivan- I was certain that I did something horrible and was going to get fussed at. Not that I had actually done anything horrible (maybe colored outside the lines a little, so to speak, but not horrible) but still, authority figures make me nervous.

So I politely asked what they needed me for, to be met with blank looks and a 'we didn't summon you' statement...then serious wondering about what was going on.... my theory is that I was spotted with the FFA donuts I promised the class and they were busily acquiring them before I returned... but...

When I got back to the room, no kids. Instead I had an unusually quiet class of MANNEQUINS with the faces of my kids! What evil magic was this????? and yet...hum...maniquins can't eat donuts so there is an upside....

You know, all the beginning teacher books warn of doom and gloom if you become friendly with your students, dress unprofessionally, play. I am not a beginning teacher anymore, but I once was- and I dressed 'professional' was distant and strict, all business. It was horrible. I felt like a fake, the kids picked up on that- while they *obeyed* me they didn't *respect* me (two very different things) or like me. And I was afraid to like them, because that would of been 'unprofessional'... misery in heels. Then my very wise friend Mr. Dixon took me aside one day and said "Relax. Be yourself- you are trying to hard and it is obvious you are uncomfortable. Don't complain unless you are willing to fix the problem, do your work everyday as cheerfully as possible and to the best of your ability. (became my mantra). Teaching is like masonry (he was a masonry teacher) if you have a firm foundation, the building will be strong. But if the foundation is false, the building will crumble." Tough advice but it transformed me- not just as a teacher, but life-wise as well... I try hard not to complain (occasionally I still do, but I try to work to change things), stopped being someone else and started being myself. I literally went home and threw out the heels (so liberating!) and haven't worn them since. (exception is weddings and funerals, or if I really want to intimidate someone. Nothing like a tall large redhead to intimidate people...exception being Tommy Podlucky. He is a force of nature when it comes to returning bad merchandise or getting a bargain... but I digress)

So, who am I as a teacher? I love my job. I have had times of serious burnout, but that is true in any job, and was mostly school + life dissatisfaction + economic worry. I love my kids. They are kids- they can be horrible and frustrating and rude beyond belief, but they are also funny and smart and curious and delightful. We try to listen to each other, I try hard to teach them the things they need to know (which is not quite the same as the lessons... the lesson might be on drawing, or a craft, but student x might be learning to follow directions independently). Some of my kids are my friends, and that is absolutely ok. A surprising number of them have gotten back in touch with me after graduation- I love hearing bits of the rest of their life stories- some of them have kept in touch and are friends as adults. It does make a difference- and ya know something? Not a one has ever referred to 'oh, you always dressed so professionally! acted so professionally! you were *Such* a role model!" and that- that makes me smile.